Love Letters

The rain that never stops pouring

The rain that never stops pouring

I get up from my bed and I look at the time on my phone, "10:56 PM." My eyes are burning from crying too much. I sit on the wooden floor as I lean on my white bed frame. I open my phone and go on the contacts application and look for Andrew's number I saved off the paper he left on my desk back in New Jersey. I find it and click on his name to call him. I hear the phone ringing in my ears as I wait for Andrew to pick up.

"Hey Emma," his soothing voice breaks the ringing.

I cry holding my hand to my mouth trying not to make a sound.

"Hello? Emma you there?" His voice echoes through my head.

I finally burst as my tears come down my face.

"Emma? Are you okay?" He asks in worry.

"No, I'm... not."

"What happened? Who hurt you?" He asks.

"Sammy," I say. "He tried to kidnap me, and I just can't handle it! I just want to give up now and here but everything is holding me back. The world is falling apart on me and my heart just can't take any more. I lost so much these past days that I can't keep up anymore. Everything is hurting me, I can't, I just can't take more," I cry louder.

"Emma, please, stay strong. It's you vs him, he's weak but acts strong. You're strong even if you cry, that just means you kept holding on for too long. You got this," he says. "And when I see that jerk I will hurt him as he hurt you."

"Andrew, I love you," I say as I wipe my tears.

"I love you too Emma. Please take care of—"

I hang up the phone and throw my phone on my bed. I walk to the bathroom in my room and open the mirror cabinet. I see the pill bottle and I grab it with shaking hands. I take the containers' cap off and throw it behind me. I face the mirror looking at myself. So is this the end? Will I meet up with Amanda? Death is the only way to get away from Sammy and many of my troubles. What will the afterlife be like? I know I'll go to hell but it's better than being in this world. Okay, Emma, you can do this. Killing myself is the best decision I've made because after I die I won't be able to feel any pain. So let's just get through one more hour of pain and you'll be done.

I pour the pills into my shaking hand as I move my hand closer to my mouth. "You got this Emma," I mumble. Then I remember Andrew; his beautiful voice when we met, his soothing voice when he says, "I love you," his romantic gestures like the love letter he messaged me and the way he kissed me. I can't do this to myself, I can't do this to Andrew.

I throw the pill container and the pills go falling next to my feet and spill everywhere. I fall to the ground and cry. What the hell was I think? Just a bit of stress and worries could lead me to suicide? I am the most idiotic girl that has lived on earth. I can't believe I was going to kill myself over something like this! How can I? Stupid girl.

After crying for a little more, I get up off the bathroom floor, collect the pills, throw them down the toilet and flush them. I wash my face and I get into my bed and cover myself with my sheets. I'm strong and I know it and life has to go on even when the worst happens. I'm going to get through it, I can't doubt myself anymore.

          I wake up to the sound of my phone ringing, I reach over to my nightstand and grab it. It was Sammy. I don't pick up, then I look through my notifications. There are 11 missed calls from Andrew. He must be worried; I can tell why... I left him on a cliff hanger. I don't call him back, I don't want to talk to anyone, I just want to be alone.