Growing Back Together

Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I quickly rebraid my hair, and slip on my bathrobe over my pajamas. I hurry myself downstairs to my dining table, where I see unopened letter, and dig through them to find one from Peeta. I tear it open, and give a small smile at his messy handwriting.

Dear Katniss,

I thought I’d write, and see how you’re doing, I know this is all probably hard for you. I still don’t remember a lot, but the doctors tell me I’m making progress, and I should be able to go home soon. I still have a lot of memories that I can’t quite understand, and I don’t know if I ever will. I feel like I’m rambling, I hope to see you soon, and I hope you’re doing better.

-Peeta

It wasn’t much, but it forces tears to fall lightly from my eyes, smudging the ink as they hit the paper. I set the letter back on the table, and walk out my front door. I slowly walk over to Peeta’s, and let myself inside, he never seemed to grasp the concept of a look. The smell of fresh bread hits me right when I walk in the door. I silently walk up the steps to Peeta’s room, and open the door.

The window is wide open, and the cool breeze flushes through the room, then I see him laying there. He doesn’t look peaceful or comfortable. His body is tense, and is eyes are locked shut as if he was in pain.

“Peeta how come I never know when you’re having a nightmare?” I ask

“I don’t know. I don’t think I cry out or thrash around or anything. I just come to, paralyzed with terror,” he says.

For the first time I’m witnessing Peeta having a nightmare, and it’s breaking my heart.

“You should wake me,” I say thinking about how I can interrupt his sleep two or three times on a bad night, about how long it can take to calm me down.

“It’s not necessary. My nightmares are usually about losing you,” he says. “I’m okay once I realize you’re here.”

I feel like tonight I was probably the cause of his nightmares, so my presence would not do much to comfort him, but still I sit myself on the floor next to his bed, and I watch as his dangling hand twitch right in front of me. I try to speak, but the lump in my throat stops me. I swallow hard a couple times, and finally am able to speak.

“Peeta, I have some things to tell you,” even in a whisper my voice cracks because of the emotion building in me, “I should have said this a long time ago,” I feel my eyes burn from the tears welling up, but I keep going. “Peeta you saved my life when you threw me that bread. You saved my whole family, and I will never forget that.” I smile remembering Prim excitedly eating the bread. “You said you knew you loved me even then, but I didn’t know, all I knew was that you had fed me when I was hungry.” The twitching in his hand begins to slow with every word. “But then when we went into the arena you gave me a whole new type of hunger, in the cave, on the beach, when we kissed it never satisfied me, I always needed more, and now I…I need you more than ever,” the tears are flowing freely, and I have no intention of stopping them. “I’m scared Peeta…I’m scared that I’ll never see the real you again, I’m torturing myself because it was my fault they did this to you, and I can’t find a way to bring you back.” These last words hurt me especially knowing that I couldn’t protect him from this.

I start to stand up not being able to think of anything else to say when I hear the bed creek, and Peeta’s hand move away from me. I hear his faint sobs, and this tears whatever’s left of my heart to shreds, I came here to help him, and I end up hurting him more.

“Katniss isn’t here,” he says, “It’s not real!” I don’t know what to do, I don’t want to send him into a flashback, but I can’t let him think this wasn’t real.

“Peeta,” I say almost silently

His sobbing stops, but he doesn’t move a muscle. It’s like my voice has frozen him.

“I’m here Peeta,” I say as I push myself a safe distance from the bed, and stand up.

I see his eyes widen, and he moves his legs so they hang off the bed. I can’t tell if he’s angry or not, “Come here.” He says. I don’t move still trying to figure out if he is going to slip into a flashback. “Please.” He says in the most desperate voice I’ve ever heard him use.

I walk toward him, just until I know he can see me. He shuts his eyes tightly for a second, then reopens them showing off his perfect blue eyes, so bright even in the pitch black.

“You’re here,” he says mumbling. “Real or not real?”

I walk closer to him until we are right in front of each other.

“Real.” I say

“Yo-You came to me.” He says stammering.

I did, I finally came to him. I finally told him everything.

“Are you okay?” I ask.

“Yes.” He says starting to smile. “You’re here.”

He opens up his arms, and looks down between them as if he’s remembering doing this before. I immediately jump into them wrapping my arms tightly around his body. I dig my face into his chest as he wraps his muscular arms around me. I have my boy with the bread, and I don’t plan to ever let him go again.

After a few moments I look up from his bare chest that I had buried myself in to see his bright blue eyes looking down at me with a slight disappointment in them.

“What?” I ask, “Do you want me to go?” my voice catches do to my own disappointment, but when I go to pull away he pulls me closer.

“No, it’s just,” he stops himself.

“Just what?” I say questionably

“You said when you kissed me you didn’t feel satisfied,” his eyes droop in sadness.

“Oh! No Peeta you misunderstood,” I say laughing a little.

He perks up, and waits for me to continue.

“When I said I needed you I meant it, because without you I’m cold, and empty,” my voice is serious now, so that he knows how much he means to me. “But when we kissed you started to fill me back up,”

He smiles at this, and looks down like he’s remembering every kiss we’ve ever shared. He grabs my face, and leans in, but I’m not done.

“I think the reason they never satisfied me is,” I stop, and finally find the answer I myself had been searching for. “Is because they showed me just how much more of you I want.”

With that he presses his lips to mine, and I let the hunger consume me. I put all my passion into this kiss. I rub my hand down his chest, and use my other to grab on to his hair. On this night, when that feeling takes me over again, I know this would have happened anyway. That what I need to survive is not Gale’s fire, kindled with rage and hatred. I have plenty of fire myself. What I need is the dandelion in the spring. The bright yellow that means rebirth instead of destruction. The promise that life can go on, no matter how bad our losses. That it can be good again. And only Peeta can give me that.

So after, when he whispers, “You love me. Real or not real?”

I tell him, “Real.”