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"People go, but how they left always stays"
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P O N Y B O Y
I CAN'T TAKE IT.
Johnnys alive, he, he's okay.
At this point, the only escape from reality is the cold tile against my arms. Thoughts surged in my head, unwanted thoughts, they all came at once. It felt like the walls were closing in on me. The only air I received came in large gasps, is this what it feels like to die?
My body feels as though it was set on fire. I feel sick. I don't want to be sick again. What if I'm sick? What if I die? Am I forgetting something. I must be.
As if my heart was trying to claw its way out, it thumped within every second. My head fell into my knees, threatening to detach. I chewed on my lip, hard. It's a bad habit, I know it. My eyes tightly shut causing a pounding headache. I stood up, staring myself in the mirror. I'm crying, I'm such a wimp. My teeth continued to dig into my lip. It hurts. I need to stop. Why won't I stop?
I brought my hands shakily to my chin. When I looked down to my fingers I saw bright red blood. I closely examined it in the mirror when a wave of memory ticked back into my mind.
It was after the rumble, Dallas, his lip was busted. I remember seeing red fluid dried up and smeared on his jacket. He was careless of his wounds because the only thing on his mind was Johnny.
Johnny. His dried, cracked lips. He looked as lifeless as a mannequin. He looked dead and miserable. I had never been so close to a deceased body, let alone it being my best friend.
Why am I feeling this way? Why are all these emotions circulating my brain like an electrical circuit? Why my? Why did this happen to me?
E L I Z A B E T H
When Ponyboy stepped out of the bathroom my stomach sank. I couldn't get up to help him or even move. All eyes were on him.
His lip gushed bright red blood. It was soo much that you couldn't see the cut. It was all over his shirt and hands. He was shaking and had a look of panic and worry written on his face. His eyes still cried tears.
"Pony, what's wro—" Sodapop was cut off by the sudden movement of Ponyboy bolting out the door.
It was like I was snapped out of a trance that Pony had kept me in. I chased him into the street and followed every corner he turned and every shortcut he made. The rain that once was a mist turned into thick droplets pelting on my body.
"Ponyboy Stop!" I yelled. He continued running until he reached the lot where slowed down. I caught up to him and saw him shoving a seat pulled from a car. He threw the parts laying around it in a fit of rage and sorrow.
"Stop it!" I breathed and approached him. His actions didn't cease, he kept throwing stray pieces of sheet metal and whatever else that was in his eyesight.
"I can't, I can't take it," he cried. I pulled him into a tight hug and he melted into my arms. He sobbed into my shirt, the dried blood now leaving a stain due to the rain.
"It's okay bub, shh." I whispered while stroking his hair.
"Things just came up so quickly, and everything changed, again." Ponyboys voice was unsteady and high in between sobs.
This was his breaking point. It's also the point where I realized how fucked up his life has been.
It had just become bearable after his parents died then all this happened. He witnessed 2 deaths, one being his life long best friend. He was caught in a murder wrap and it caused him to have to run away to the country for something that was purely self defense so that Johnny wouldn't get thrown in jail. He told me how guilty he felt when he saw the church on fire, he blamed himself. His mind is going every which way, he's failing classes, he's all absent minded, and on top of that Darry's on his case about it all. Ponyboy doesn't even think Darry loves him. Nobody realized how he must've felt and had to live through. Nobody knew a damn thing. He is just a kid.
"Hey, Hey, nothing's gonna hurt you no more, now." My voice now shaky in attempt to calm him down. I pulled away from the hug but our arms didn't detach. I lightly guided him to a seat, wet from the rain but we already were soaked.
"I know, times are...tough. But things do get better, trust me." I laid back. He stopped crying and stayed silent, the absence of conversation grew longer.
"How do you know that, that things will get better? Sure it's easy to say, but does it?" He asked. I grabbed his hand and studied it.
"I know that things get better because everything happens for a reason, some things are meant to happen to you. These things, they're meant for growth and it lets you know that good things will come. Pain doesn't last forever, know that."
I looked up into his doe eyes. They were stormy grey, the green was almost drained out of him. I shifted my position towards him and brought my hand up to his face. I tilted his chin towards me and cleaned the blood with the sleeve of my jacket.
"Don't do that, it'll get dirty." He let out a pained laugh and wiped his face with his arm, shoving mine away. I smiled and brought his arm down once again. Then, I laid my lips onto his with a soft kiss. I place my arms on his shoulders, deepening the kiss. He grabbed my waist and brought me closer to him.
Our lips moved in sync and it felt like we were the only two people in the world. I felt my cheeks get hot and my stomach flutter. I ran my fingers through his bleached hair, not wanting this to end. The droplets of rain fell onto our faces and to our lips so that we could taste the coldness. I pulled away and stared into his eyes as our foreheads rested on each other.
"Promise me, that you won't do anything bad to yourself. I don't know how I'd take losing another person." I whispered. He leaned in for another kiss.
There's something so heavenly about sharing a kiss, especially in the rain. It relieves any pressures and is a medicine for stress. It's intoxicating, euphoric. This moment is ours, and if it weren't for the cold Tulsa rain then I would've thought we were in heaven.
"I promise."
I smiled. He's taken it all, all the pain. He cut his lip. But he kept going. I know he will.
