High Walls// LS

High Walls

Hi all!!

I am not new to the world of Louis and Harry fanfics, but I am new to the world of writing them. Please be kind and gentle here and respect my writing and other's responses. This is my interpretation of what an ideal life between them and the rest of the boys would look like, but I do love suggestions.

This story also deals with things like depression and anxiety. So, please be cautious of reading if you struggle with suicidal thoughts or severe depression. Some chapters include smut, but you will be warned at the beginning of these chapters.

Prologue:

"Harry, please wake up." I hear Gemma say, trying to shake me awake.

I hear her, but fail to move a muscle. I don't want to relive yesterday or the day before that, because I'm tired of all of this pretending. I only managed to fall asleep about an hour ago, after crying so much that my eyes finally decided to close. 

"I'll be down later," I manage to get out before turning away from my sister.

The bright sunlight shines through the window of my room and my thin curtains do nothing to make my room darker. I know it must be later in the day, but I am not in any mood to get up.

Gemma breaths out heavily before rubbing my back and leaning over to kiss my forehead. As she gets up to leave the room I hear her pause at the door and clear her throat to talk. "He called me again, honey. I really think that you should, at least, consider talking to him before you make your decision."

"The decision has already been made, please stop talking about it," I say rolling my eyes. "Get out of my room."

I couldn't talk to him again. Not now, after it's been nearly three years since our last exchange. There's not a thing in the world that could change my mind about that.

For the last 9 years, I've never once looked out for myself. Even after we separated, I still tried to keep in contact all the time. After the heartbreak, after the baby, and even after the deaths in his family I always contacted him and made an effort. Now he wants to talk, and I'm sure it's only because the other boys asked him to do so. They think if we talk, he will be able to convince me to rethink my decision.

The sad thing is, they are probably right. This is the reason why I will not pick up the phone to return his persistent calls; not today and not ever.

I think back to my last few months with Louis, and my eyes fill up with tears. I wanted us to work so bad, but Louis just wasn't ready to come out to the world yet. As much as I tried to ignore that, it hurt me so bad. I couldn't take lying to the world, to our fans, about who we truly were. So, I had to end things. It hurt. It didn't hurt as bad as what happened afterwards, though. Two days after we broke up, Louis got piss drunk and ended up sleeping with Briana. Before I even knew what had hit me, I was being forced to attend a baby shower with the rest of the boys and management.

He ruined me. 

Sure, I started it, but he finished it. Then, he never contacted me directly again. Even after my condolences to him and once my step-father passed away; I never received a call or text.

I feel the familiar tickle of tears sliding down my face, and I long for a life where I had never known Louis. Things would have been so much easier in the long run.

My heart aches, but my decision remains the same. I'm not going back to One Direction. I'm not going back to Louis.