Prince next door (Prinxiety au)

Chapter 14

A/N: TW: suicide/death. At one point Roman will talk about a dream which is not serious in any way whatsoever. Dreams are silly and so was his, but he briefly mentions these topics so wanted to give you all a heads up just in case!

Virgil blinks his eyes open when he feels Roman move behind him. Sunlight is already pouring in the room from between the curtains. He wants to look over his shoulders at Roman, but feels the other man already shuffle closer until he's wrapped around Virgil as the big spoon. His arm hanging loosely around him. A smile appears on Virgil's face when he feels Roman kiss his head softly.
"Morning." He whispers. Roman mumbles something that vaguely sounds like the same. Virgil snickers softly as he intertwines his hand with the one hanging over his waist. He still can't believe this is real. Part of him thought that maybe they'd wake up and Roman would realize how stupid it was to kiss him and tell him he loves him. Part of him still fears that's going to happen, but a bigger part right now is just blissfully happy to be laying in Roman's strong arms. Roman hugs him tighter to his chest before fully letting go and falling back on his back with a deep sigh. Virgil turns around to look at him curious.
"I'm hungry." Roman complaints like a child.
"Then eat." Virgil pokes him teasingly in his side. Roman squirms away before grabbing Virgil's arm and pulling him on top of him.
"I don't want to leave this yet." He admits sleepy. Eyes barely open enough to look back at Virgil who looks amused at him. Roman hugs him to his chest as if he's a teddy bear and Virgil can't help but snicker softly under his breath. Roman has always been needy for attention when he's tired, but this brings it to a whole new level.
"I love you, Virge." Roman mutters. Eyes closed again.
"I love you too, princey." Virgil smirks softly. Relieved to hear those words again. Confirming it's not just a dream.
"I've decided to tell you that every day from now on. To make up for all the days I was stupid enough to not say it." Roman tells him. Half asleep. Virgil feels his heart grow twice its size. He leans up and kisses the tip of Roman's nose. The other man blinks his eyes open surprised with an amused smile before sighing dramatically again.
"Stupid stomach." He reacts and Virgil laughs softly as he gets off of him.
"Noo." Roman whines.
"Shut up." Virgil giggles. On cloud nine now that he feels so loved and wanted.
"Let's eat something." He adds. Roman sighs again. Rubbing in his eyes as he sits upright as well.
"Fine." He agrees begrudgingly. Virgil puts his pants from yesterday back on and snuggles in his oversized hoodie. He didn't bring fresh clothes because he didn't expect to be staying the night. Roman doesn't bother putting on his clothes and follows him in his bare chest and on his bare feet to the kitchen. Both Patton and Logan are already there. Virgil looks surprised to see Patton baking pancakes while Logan is reading his daily news paper.
"Morning, kiddos." Patton looks over his shoulder with a wide smile.
"Hi." Virgil waves by holding up his hand awkwardly. Logan quirks an eyebrow at Roman before looking down in his news paper again.
"Yeah, yeah, I'll wear a shirt in a minute." Roman rolls his eyes as he sits down next to the oldest student in the room. Virgil walks up to Patton to see what he's doing.
"Want a pancake?" The smaller man asks.
"Oh, uh, yeah. Sure." Virgil smiles appreciatively.
"I've been meaning to apologize." Patton looks up at him with a lopsided smile. Virgil frowns confused.
"For what?" He wonders. "Yesterday. It was a little mean, wasn't it? To make Roman and you kiss." Patton looks ashamed. Virgil jumps up on the counter with a shrug.
"You didn't think of the dare." He reasons. Patton flips a pancake before replying.
"No, but I did secretly think it was genius." He admits. Virgil looks down at the pancake slowly turning brown.
"You don't have to apologize for thoughts. It was a low blow, but it's just a game." Virgil assures him. He still doesn't appreciate what Janus did, but he is happy with the results.
"So are you guys-" Patton looks up at him with a cute little smirk as he lets the question hang in the air.
"Dating?" Virgil finishes his sentence before looking up at Roman who's currently annoying Logan.
"I think so." He smiles softly.
"Good." Patton giggles. Virgil quirks an eyebrow at him.
"I mean, it's cute that you're finally together. I've been waiting for it to happen." The blond admits. Virgil's eyes widen comically wide.
"Wow, okay so really everyone saw it coming?" He thinks out loud.
"You weren't exactly subtle, kiddo." Patton snickers as he pours more batter in his now empty pan. Virgil looks back at Roman who sees him look and winks. Maybe he wasn't. He tried though. He really did everything he could to hide his crush and bury his feelings.
"And Roman was even worse." Patton adds. Making Virgil laugh surprised.
"What do you mean?" He wonders. Patton looks from their boyfriends, back up at him before concentrating on his pancakes again.
"He could not stop talking about you. I think he really did believe for a long time his feelings were nothing more than happiness to be friends again, but it was so clear by the way his eyes lit up that it was way more than that." Patton tells him softly enough so Roman wouldn't hear. Virgil feels his heart skip a happy beat and he has to stop himself from smiling creepily wide.
"Thanks for telling me, popstar." He looks grateful at Patton who shrugs innocently.
"Maybe we can go on a double date sometime?" He suggests with an excited glint in his eyes. Virgil feels an instant pang of anxiety when he has to think about all the things normal couples do in a relationship. Does that mean their entire friendship has to change? What if Roman expects more from him? What if he's too broken to give him what he deserves?
"Uh, yeah, m-maybe." He nods before jumping off the counter again to retrieve back to the table where Roman is already sitting.
"Hey, stranger." His oldest friend smirks pleased to see him sit in front of him. Virgil tilts his head as he looks at his boyfriend unimpressed. Roman snickers at his, anything but enthusiastic, reaction.
"Hey, so, I've had another dream last night." He speaks up then.
"Was it as ridiculous as all your other dreams?" Logan looks up.
"It's a dream, Lo. They're supposed to be ridiculous and weird." Roman reacts. The older student shrugs as he continues reading.
"What was it about?" Virgil wonders.
"I don't know exactly, there are some parts I'm missing and the order is a bit lost." Roman admits, but Virgil knows he's going to try and explain the dream anyway. He always does.
"Basically some kind of psychopath had me and bunch of other people locked upstairs and he wanted us to kill ourselves one by one." His boyfriend starts talking like he predicted.
"Oh no, was this a nightmare?" Patton wonders when he sits down at the table as well with a pile of pancakes.
"Oh, uh, no, don't worry, Pat." Roman reassures him. "We managed to trick him by throwing down big bags of flower, or something else that's heavy, with our picture on. I know it doesn't make sense-" Roman turns around to Logan who's already opening his mouth. "-but in the dream it did." He tells his roommate who always tries to find a logical reason behind things.
"Anyway we tried to escape, but I guess I actually died? I don't know, it's a bit blurry, but suddenly I was a ghost who was racing another ghost to get as many items in a shopping cart and the psycho was now the referee for some reason. I obviously won the race, but for some reason I didn't want to believe I was actually dead until I walked around a corner and saw some people stand around my lifeless body. I'm not sure what happens after that, but I know there's something with a dog and crows." Roman lifts his shoulders unsure. Virgil shakes his head fondly.
"You will never have a normal dream, will you?" He asks amused. Roman shrugs again.
"Maybe I have normal dreams all the time, but they're too boring to remember." He reacts with a grin. Grabbing a pancake from the pile. They eat breakfast together until Logan stands up.
"I'll be ready in a few." He promises Patton as he kisses his forehead tenderly. Patton nods with a big smile.
"Rea-y fo- wha-?" Roman asks with a mouth full. Virgil looks at him with a disapproving frown. Roman smirks before swallowing the bite down when he sees it.
"We're going to the zoo!" Patton beams excited.
"Oh that's marvelous, Pat. Have fun!" Roman smiles happy for his roommate.
"Thanks, Roman! We sure will." Patton replies cheery before putting both his and Logan's plate in the sink to wash later.
"I didn't know it was open on a Sunday." Virgil comments.
"Oh yeah, it sure is! Logan double checked." Patton nods affirmative. Logan then walks back into the room freshly shaven.
"Ready?" He wonders. Patton nods his head.
"Hey, quick question. What pet names do you guys have for each other?" Roman smirks. Logan lifts his eyebrows surprised by the sudden question.
"None. Those are ridiculous." The older student replies dry.
"I mostly call him Logie bear, but I've actually got tons of them because he's just too darn cute." Patton replies at the same time. Virgil notices how Logan's cheeks turn a dark shade of pink. Roman snickers softly.
"Logie bear, hmm? Adorable." He reacts.
"Isn't it?" Patton agrees with an innocent smile. Logan clears his throat.
"Let's go, Patton." He rests his arm over the smaller man's shoulders to lead him outside before glaring at Roman. Only causing Roman to laugh even louder. Virgil smiles amused as well.
"He tries so hard to pretend to be emotionless." Roman comments. Virgil hums in agreement. Sipping the last of his orange juice.
"Should we do something as well?" Roman looks at him with a question in his golden eyes. Virgil tucks in his lips before shrugging softly.
"I don't--I don't know." He admits. He's so scared he can't give Roman the romantic relationship the other man clearly deserves. He's been a romanticus since he was a kid. He'll never be satisfied with just watching movies or listening to music all the time. But Virgil isn't sure he can do much more beyond that. He promised Roman last night that he will fight to get better. But it's not like he hasn't been trying before. He managed to crawl out the deepest pit before. On his own. Why can't he do that now? He's been having ups and downs for months on end. Every time he thinks he might finally have crawled out and put the beast to rest, it just comes back. Over and over again. He doesn't understand why. He's got Roman back. He's got more real friends than ever before. His life is supposed to be amazing now. Why doesn't he feel like that?
"Hey, what's wrong?" Roman notices the shift in his behavior. He's gotten far too good at noticing when Virgil's thoughts slip to the darker side of his mind.
"Nothing. Just zoned out for a second." He forces a smile on his face. Roman looks at him with eyes that seem to go straight through the wall he set up to protect himself. The other man stands up and walks around the table only to stop next to him and crouching to not tower over him. Virgil follows his every move as Roman grabs his hands in his.
"Virge, you can tell me everything." He tells him softly.
"I kn-" Virgil starts, but gets interrupted.
"You always say that you know with that little fake smile of yours." Roman sighs softly. "I don't know if you just don't believe it or if you think that I can't understand or whatever reason you tell yourself, but Virge, just try to trust me. I will listen. I'll try to understand. I want to be there for you." Roman tells him in a serieus sincere voice. Virgil bites down on his bottom lip as he looks at the man in front of him. He feels tears sting behind his eyes, but forces them back. He will not cry. Not again.
"I love you, Virge. I really, really do. It physically hurt me every day we weren't together." Roman admits with the softest of smiles. Virgil can't help but smile at that. Tears now filling up his eyes.
"Fuck." He mutters as he tries to blink them away.
"Let them out." Roman whispers.
"No." Virgil reacts stubborn.
"Virge-" Roman tries again.
"I don't want to lose you again, Ro." Virgil blurts. Roman blinks surprised before looking at him with sad eyes.
"What?" He asks. Virgil looks down at their hands.
"I don't want to lose you again." He repeats.
"You won't." Roman promises. Virgil looks up at him. He doesn't understand. He isn't thinking about the future.
"I know I promised to fight until I'm okay again. But I'm starting to think I'll never will be. I can't give you what you want, Ro. I'm shattered in a million pieces and I can't seem to glue myself together again. I can't go on cute dates. I don't have the energy for grand gestures or even the smallest show of affection." He starts to spill his guts.
"I d-" Roman starts.
"You may say you don't care about that now, but one day you will. Some time in the future you will wonder if it wasn't a mistake. If you shouldn't have chosen someone more stable. Someone who can actually give you what you deserve. And I wouldn't blame you." Virgil interrupts him.
"No." Roman shakes his head stubborn. "That won't happen." He denies. Virgil looks at him desperately.
"Ro-" He starts. He has to understand.
"No, Virge, it won't happen. You hear me? That scenario you convinced yourself of to be the only truth won't happen. Not now. Not in a few years. Not even when you've turned bald with a million wrinkles and have to wear a diaper." He comments stubborn. Clenching their hands tighter.
"I don't care that you're broken, Virge. I just care about you. You alone. Fuck all the rest." Roman whispers urgent. Tears are now streaming silently over Virgil's cheeks and Roman wipes them away with a gentle brush of his thumb.
"You're an idiot." Virgil accuses. He tried to warn him. Give him a way out. But he won't take it. He's too stubborn.
"I'm your idiot. Whether you think I deserve it or not." Roman replies with a lopsided smile. Virgil is quiet for the longest time. Trying his best to stop crying as he processes all the words that have been said. He startles when he feels soft lips press softly against his chapped ones. The touch of Roman's lips undo all his efforts to stop crying and tears mix as he kisses the other man back. Soft and slow. Roman pulls back then to look into his eyes.
"Maybe one day I won't be crying when you kiss me." Virgil whispers. Trying to bring back the lighthearted mood. Roman smirks softly.
"I don't mind the tears." He replies. Virgil looks back down at the one hand still holding Roman's.
"I've been thinking about going to a therapist." He admits softly. Glancing up at Roman through his bangs. He notices how Roman's smile widens.
"That's probably a good idea, Virge." He encourages him. Virgil nods softly as he looks away. It's official. He can't do it alone this time. He's too weak.
"Want me to call one?" Roman suggests. Knowing Virgil hates calling people. Virgil bites down on his bottom lip. Before shaking his head. It would be so much easier, but he has to do this himself.
"Okay." Roman replies. "I'm so proud of you, Virge." He adds with a genuine smile. Virgil wants to be happy he made Roman proud, but he just feels ridiculous.
"Give me a minute." He mutters as he takes out his phone. Roman nods softly. Squeezing his hand before kissing Virgil's forehead and leaving the room to give him some privacy. Virgil searches for a therapist in the neighborhood. Someone he can get to without needing a car. In the end he finds someone who lives a fifteen minute walk from here. He takes a deep, shaky breath before pressing the green 'call' button. A middle aged man picks up the phone.
"H-Hello, my name is Virgil and I, uh, I think I need help." Virgil speaks up hesitantly. Roman is waiting in the hallway. Beyond relieved Virgil is finally reaching out for help. It breaks his heart to think back at Virgil's confession. The fear in his eyes when he tried to convince him that he'll stop loving him. Stop tolerating him. Roman can't imagine a second where that would ever become a reality. He doesn't want to intrude on Virgil's privacy and walks over to his room where he changes in some fresh clothes after taking a quick shower. He hears Virgil is still talking so he sits down on his bed and grabs his phone. He notices a text from his brother and opens it.
"Now you can finally reenact that creepy perv dream of yours. Have fun." He reads out loud with a scrunched up nose. Remus really is a horrible person, but his heart is in the right place. Roman replies with an eye roll emoji. A second later and Remus sends him an eggplant emoji with some droplets. Roman scoffs out loud as he discards his phone.

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Just a quick note that needing help isn't ridiculous or weak! There's a reason therapists exists and you should not ever feel bad for not being able to get through something all by yourself. It's still a bit taboo to talk about therapy or mental health, but if you'd ask around in your circles there would be at least one, probably more, who has gone/goes to a therapists or struggles with mental health so you are not alone or weird and ridiculous like Virgil thinks of himself in this chapter. In fact you are probably incredibly strong!

Side note: I'm currently working so it's possible my uploads won't be as often as before!