See You in a Minute

S T E V E

❝You wouldn't know what to do if I fell for you.❞
- Natasha Romanoff

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I shot up from my bed with eyes wide open after the nightmare that flashed before me.

I looked around the unfamiliar room automatically, looking for danger but there was none. But in stead of feeling safe, I just felt more frustrated. And I feel this way because I couldn't believe this is the person I have become-a person who is used to looking for danger, for trouble.

I ran my fingers through my hair in attempt to lessen my pent up emotions but to no avail, it didn't work. I closed my eyes and tried to compose myself as I looked back at my life after being stuck in the ice.

Being an Avenger was one of the best things that has happened to me. It gave me a job, a sense of purpose-being an Avenger kept me going, forcing me to move along a lifetime I don't belong in but eventually learned to live in.

We save lives as much as we can and honestly, I love my job. I'm happy to serve the world with people I know I can rely on. The feeling of being the reason why people can sleep safe and sound at night and wake up brightly in the morning with the people they love couldn't ever be put to words. But that's the thing, though; the world would depend on you, and when you don't get the job done, all hell breaks lose.

Suddenly, your efforts aren't enough. Suddenly, you need to be ruled over. Suddenly, you become too dangerous, you become a threat. Somehow, someway, different suddenly's start forming and you can't even keep up became the last time you checked, you were just doing what you were supposed to be doing. But even then, you don't stop protecting the world. Because at one point, it wasn't just a job anymore, it was a responsibility.

And when things don't go as planned, that's on you. The weight of the world is on your shoulders and even if you want to move on, even when you feel like quitting, you don't. Because you can't.

But I did. Or at least tried to. I really did. But in the back of my mind, their fading images still haunts me. All those what if questions still lives on and they won't let me rest. That's why when the chance to bring everyone back presented itself to us, we immediately grabbed the opportunity. Because deep down, I can't find it in me to turn my back on everyone because I know what I'm gonna be leaving behind. And it's not fair, it's not right.

Being an Avenger, being a hero, being Captain America-it's indescribable. It's everything good has to offer to the world but everything bad the world has to return to you somehow. Because in this job, you don't sleep, you don't rest, and it takes a toll on you. You just wait for until when trouble comes back around and then you beat trouble because this is what you've been accustomed to do so. And once you win-if you win-then great! You can celebrate and live in the little bubble you've built for yourself for some time until it inevitably bursts and once again, you're stuck in the cycle of saving the world.

It sounds bad and it is, but it's a rewarding job until your next opponent shows up. And sometimes... most of the time, you wish no more enemies would come to the surface. But if they don't and you have no one to fight, then the world would no longer need Captain America, it would no longer need heroes. And despite every single good thing and every single bad thing being a hero has done to me, I simply reached the end of my journey. I can never say I've saved enough innocent people because you can never really say that. But all I'm really trying to do this time around is choose. Because this time, I can. And I choose to let go of Captain America so I can be Steven Rogers again.