In the end

0.7

~| 0.7 |~

♾love and pain♾

•

I look into Trevor's eyes as we share a look of pure fear.

I knock.

"Ashton?" I call, my breath shaky.

"Please ashton.." I say letting my head lean against the door.

"Please.." A tear slips from my eye as I realize how much I truly do need him.

"Ashton!" I yell out of anger as I back away, letting my fists pound on the door once.

"Answer me god dammit!!" I yell hoping he could hear me.

I start turning the door nob Hoping it would unlock. I start turning it faster out of anger and fear.

An idea struck me as I pull a bobby pin out of my now messy hair.

I slide the bobby pin into the door lock and begin jiggling it until a "click" noise happens and the door is easy opened.

I walk in cautiously, not sure I want to see what was behind that door. I step on the hard wood floor. The lights are off, it's almost pitch black but I can see him clearly. Ashton.

He sat propped up against the wall, the black and grey blankets caving in where he sits, his head in his hands, the depression pills on the nightstand next to him.

I feel relieved that he didn't do anything he would have regretted.

I walk in slowly. His head still resting in his hands not daring to look at me. I inch closer to the bed, when he speaks, not lifting his head.

"Why are you here?" His muffled words escape from his hands.

"Because... I need you..." I said looking away embarrassed.

Trevor closes the door as I hear a small and faint "thank you" before he closed it fully.

"You don't need me." Ashton states and and he sniffs, I knew he was crying.

"That's where your wrong.." I say as I sit on the bed in the same position as Ashton, my head resting on his shoulder.

He didn't talk back so I decided to change the subject.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I whisper, my head still laying on his shoulder.

"I didn't think you would understand, and you don't." He says almost angrily, lifting his head and resting it against the wall.

"You're right Ashton, I don't understand, please explain to me so I can." I say with sympathy.

"Why would God want someone to suffer so much?" He asked looking at me as I lift my head from his shoulder.

His eyes are red and puffy, I could tell he was crying for a long time. I didn't want his to cry, I didn't want him to feel like this.

"I don't know, Ashton.." I say finally, not sure of what I was suppose to say to him.

I rested my head on his shoulder, we stayed like that for a few hours, talking non sense. The topic eventually changed from suicide to hobbies, past relationships, that kind of stuff. I was glad I stopped him before he did anything. I don't know what I would have done if I found him dead. I don't know why he feels this way, I don't want to ask him. A little piece of me broke when he didn't answer. I thought he was dead. I don't want to feel like that ever again.

It was 2:00 pm. I knew I had to go now, but if I left what would he do?

"I have to go.." I whispered to him.

"I don't want you to leave." He whispered back as we laid on his bed, is arms around me, cuddling but not cuddling, it was confusing. He kissed my forehead after his sentence, sending butterflies into my stomach.

I sat up, getting ready to stand up.

I stood up, then turned to him and crouched down.

I kissed his lips, not like a crash but like a soft smooth landing. His lips always made me want to kiss him more. The energy he gave off made me want to be with him forever. I never wanted to leave. He was my drug and I was his.

I pulled away slowly, opening my eyes.

"I love you." He whispered and for some reason I felt relief.

"I love you too.." I said slowly, then getting up and exiting the room.

Trevor was sitting at the marble island in the middle of the beautiful kitchen. I rushed down the wooden stairs.

I reached for the cold metal handle slowly then Trevor stopped me.

"Thank you." He said look at his feet with his hand clasped onto my arm.

"It's been... Hard for him, all of us.. Since our dad died..." Trevor spoke and I knew it was hard for him to say this.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't know" I say with sympathy even though it wouldn't help much, I'm sure he's heard that well over a hundred times.

"It's alright, um hunter?" He asked with woeful eyes.

"Yes?" I ask willing to do anything for him right now.

"Can you do me a favour?" He asks looking up, looking as if he is going to cry.

I nodded, letting him know I would.

"Take care of Ashton for me? Alright? This isn't the first time he's been like this..." He said adding a statement after his question.

"I promise." I promised and with that I was out the door, my thoughts over flowing my brain.

I didn't know I loved Ashton, but there, in that moment, where he could have been gone, I realized I love him more than anyone has ever loved someone in 2 weeks.

I love him.