Dyslexic

//26//

And before I knew those three word escaped from my mouth.

"I love you." I said making her eyes widen. She looked at me and smiled. She looked at me a little too much and I started grow worry inside me. But suddenly soft lips were pressed on my lips. All the worry was gone and there was only one thing on my mind and that was only Emma. For the time we kissed I only thought about how would Emma feel. How would she handle it. Or would she handle it? She should. We kissed until we ran out of air in our lungs. When we pulled back I heard Emma saying;

"I love you too Mikey." I smiled outside but frowned and maybe cried a little inside. She shouldn't have said that. She was making it harder for me.

"Look Emma I love you more than anything in this world. Anything. I mean that. Because I don't have any other thing that I care about in this world. At least not anymore. A-and I-" my voice cracked and I stuttered and stopped talking to breathe a little. I couldn't help myself back from letting a few tears escape from my eyes. I quickly tugged my hoodie sleeve and wiped my eyes.

"And I can't let you be with me. Not that because I don't love you. Because I do love you more than anything. Anything. You are the center of my own world and nothing will ever change that. But the thing is you should change that. I can't be the center of your world. You can't let make someone who is gonna slip away from your hands be the center of your world and heart. That will cause so much pain and I don't want you to feel any pain. That's what I will cause if you let me be the center of your world. Because I'm temporary. You ca- you can't let your happiness depend on something you may lose. Okay? Do not ever forget that?" I finish my little speech about why she shouldn't love me. As I finished it I looked up to her and saw her in tears. I didn't want to make her cry. I just wanted to make things easier. I just made her upset. That was the exact reason why I wanted to end it.

"What are you trying to say?" She asked as wiped her eyes with both of her hands. I pulled my beanie off from from my head and placed it on Emma's head and making her put her head on my shoulder. After 30 minutes she was still crying and I was wiping her eyes.

"Don't cry okay? Never cry because of me. Never." I said not answering her question. Because I didn't want her to know what I was going to do. I placed a kiss on the top of her head. I wrapped my arms around her body. She yawned and closed her eyes.

"You're the center of my world Emma ad you're always going to be." I say as she fell asleep in my arms.

It had been 3 hours since Emma fell asleep on my shoulder. I was staring at her for the last time. I slowly got up and took my hoodie off laying it on Emma. I placed a kiss on her cheek and rubbed her cheek for the last time.

"You have to not let your happiness depend on something you may lose. Hope you will find someone who will stick with you until the end. I will from the other side. Okay? I will always be with you." I placed a small kiss on her soft, pink and swollen lips for the last time.

My legs were shaking as I was walking towards the edge of our little cliff. After that moment it was going to be only Emma's. Because I was going to leave. I stood on the edge for a few minutes thinking about Emma. I took a look at her before the wind pushed me. And I felt my weight pulling me down.