Next Day
-NATALIE-
I ran my fingers through my hair as I squinted at my laptop and scrolled up and down between the four different versions of event posters that I'd created to decide which one I liked the most, but I just couldn't pick. There were things I liked about all of them and I was tempted to start all over again from scratch.
Sighing, I pulled my tired eyes away from the screen and over to look at my son sleeping soundly in the white bassinet that Mama Beth kept nestled next to the couch in the family room at all times. She smiled every time she peeked inside and marveled at how much he looked just like his daddy who had once slept in the exact same one and I couldn't help returning her grin. Even now, my cheeks warmed as I watched my little angel sleep soundly in his blue footie pajamas while a pacifier nestled between his lips. It was hard to believe that he was already two weeks old and I only had four more weeks left to be home with him before I was scheduled to return to work.
As soon as we'd started trying for a baby, DJ had raised the question of childcare and how I wanted to handle things. His auto shop business had grown exponentially over the years and with the expansion to a second shop, he didn't anticipate business slowing down any time soon so we were in a comfortable position financially where I didn't have to work. He was quick to say that he wasn't telling me not to work—we both came from families where our mothers had attained successful careers of their own right alongside raising us, but he wanted me to know that I had options. Whatever I decided, he would support.
At the time, I hadn't even taken much time to think about it. It'd seemed so simple. I had spent my entire career at one art therapy clinic for the past 10 years—first as a part-time receptionist and assistant, then as a student intern, and finally, as a licensed therapist and I loved it. I loved my job, my patients, and the entire staff, especially my boss, Jennifer Burke. She was one of Beth's friends from college and she'd been incredibly instrumental in my career. When I'd been floundering and uncertain of what I wanted to do with my life, she'd been the one to expose me to what an art therapist was and help me to get enrolled in the program as a late transfer. She didn't have any children of her own and in a lot of ways, she'd "adopted" me as a daughter of sorts to the point that I was currently on track to become a co-owner within the next five years. I'd put in a lot of long hours over time to reach that goal and it was all I'd dreamed about for a long, long time. Thus, deciding to have a baby hadn't done much to change that.
I'd figured I would stay on that pathway and suggested to DJ that we could see if his younger cousin, Allie, who had many years of babysitting experience and was about to start college to become an early childhood teacher would be interested in being our nanny. He'd agreed and she'd happily accepted, thus, I wasn't the least bit worried about my baby being in good hands. In my mind's eye, he or she would be safe and sound with family and DJ and I would both be just a phone call away. However, now that the baby was no longer a "he or she", but my little Trey, I was starting to have second thoughts.
Before I'd started working as an art therapist, I'd once been interested in a career as a traditional artist—working with both digital and physical materials to create pieces to share with the world, but along the way, life had happened and ripped away pieces of my confidence and self-assuredness that I could succeed in such an uncertain career. At eighteen, I wasn't in the headspace to be able to take any more rejections. I needed something that was more secure and certain and working in the mental health care field had provided that security for me. It also taught me to reflect on my own hurts and transform my pain into something good that could help others. It'd taught me to empathize with myself and that was something that I would forever be grateful for. It was why I loved my job so much.
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