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13💜

After having relieved themselves and brushed their teeth, the two sat on Hoseok's bed once more - except this time it was his actual bed back at their band's shared home. As they both sat and stared at one another - Tae against the head board with his legs crossed and Hoseok on the edge of the bed not to much further away - they were reminded of all the time they had spent in this room snuggled up beneath the very sheets they were resting upon.

"So I guess I should start..." Hoseok was pulling at his clothes again. He was desperate to tell Taehyung the biggest source of his problems first this time, not lead up to it.

"I-"

Taehyung stopped him, "Wait, wait. Hold on."

Hoseok tilted his head lightly to the side, hands shaking at his almost confession - how was he going to gather the strength once more to say how he felt, when he'd just used it all and then was cut off?

"Hyung, this is so informal. Do you mind?"

Hoseok wasn't sure as to what Taehyung was asking but nodded his head yes anyway.

A light squeak left the elder as he was grabbed by the hips and manhandled to sit in Taehyung's lap - back to chest - as the younger raised a hand and began to comb it through his hyung's hair.

"I figured this would help since you seem really nervous."

Hobi muttered a 'thank you' as he tipped his head back to rest on Tae's shoulder.

A few moments passed in silence as Tae ran his hand through Hoseok's hair, the elder gathering the courage to spit out what he wanted to say.

"So. I was going to start differently but... I think I'll explain what I had said last time first." There was no response from the man behind him, but the hand in his hair didn't stop and he wasn't being thrown off, so he counted it as a win.

"I want to say that, yes I do think we should stop being affectionate - at least too affectionate - especially in public. Because yes people will get the wrong idea, and I - I do care about reputation but... When I said that I didn't mean my reputation." These words do cause the hand in his hair to stop for a moment - processing maybe - but then it shortly continued with no word.

Yes, Hoseok thought, much easier to not be looking at him right now.

"I said that because I'm worried about your reputation. About you being seen with me and you being negatively affected by it."

Taehyung chose this moment to speak up, right into Hoseok's ear, so soft and questioning.

"But.. But why hyung? Why would I be negatively affected by that? By you?"

The hand in his hair moved away, but Taehyung brought both of his arms around Hoseok's middle and rested his chin on the elder's shoulder.

"Because Tae... Because I'm gay - well, not exactly, I'm bisexual - but I'm..." Hoseok took one deep breath. It was now or never, and this would be the deciding factor of how the rest of his life - the rest of Bangtan - would pan out. For better or for worse.

"Because when the public sees the way I look at you? They're going to know. They're going to know I like men and assume that you do as well and..."

Anxiety began to fill his chest, and he brought up a hand to clutch at his shirt, but it was sidetracked along the way by one of Taehyungs. The younger's broad hand grasped his smaller one and intertwined their fingers. There was a squeeze of reassurance at his middle and Hoseok began to tear up.

"What way do you look at me, hyung?"

"I look at you like you hung the stars, Tae. Like you're the only person on this planet that I want to see me for who I am - Who I really am - one hundred percent. With no barriers." He sniffled, "I look at you like... I look at you like a fool in love because I am one."

Taehyung stiffens at this, and Hoseok waits for the inevitable blow but he barrels on through.

"I didn't want to tell you because I know you don't feel the same way. Because you knowing changes everything - could ruin our whole band dynamic. I just.. I didn't want to be the one to ruin everything. I still don't, but I had to tell you because I can't keep it in anymore."

A few more heaving breaths pass through the elder's lungs before he continues once more.

"I didn't want you to think that I'm disgusting, not the other way around." Hoseok turns himself around in the younger's hold, straddling his lap as he brings his hand to cup Taehyung's face.

"I would never think that you're disgusting Taetae. Ever. And I am endlessly proud of who you have become." He closes his eyes for a moment, "In short, I think we should stop because I don't want you to get roped up in my inevitable scandal. You have places to go in the future, Taetae - new careers and being in the public and just doing you. I don't want to keep you from them."

Taehyung wants to respond to his hyung's words in a million different ways - each different but portraying the same emotions. In the end, he remembers he is a man of action, and action he does take as he smiles sweetly up at the other and pulls Hoseok in for a kiss. Not too long, but not just a short peck either. Simply a light press of their lips, Hoseok's shoulders relaxing as he sighs into it. When they pull away is when Taehyung finally knows what to say.

"Hyung. My beautiful Hoseokkie-hyung, shining like the sun in this dim-lit bedroom. Really, hyung you should get some mood lights or open a window or something, I can barely see you." The younger earns a light smack in response, Hoseok giggling lightly.

"Sunshine... No matter where I go, the places I'll visit or the jobs I may take on I want you to be right there next to me. Because the only places I truly want to go are the places where you are."

Hoseok was confused at this, and it showed across his features.

"The public would be very, and I mean very correct in assuming that I like men - so trying to keep me out of that scandal isn't going to happen. Especially because.." Taehyung smiled brightly before he delivered his next words.

"Because I love you, Hoseok. It might have taken me years to realize that but, I think that I always have, sunshine." Tae placed kisses on both of his hyung's cheeks before continuing. "We're both so dumb, you know that right?"

Hoseok nods, and though he doesn't know where they're coming from, tears well in his eyes as he gazes down at the other. "Taehyungie..." He reaches out for the younger, almost smothering him in his chest.

"Ahhh, my little crybaby." Tae hugs him back with just as much vigor. "Had I just listened to you the first time, we wouldn't have gone through all of this in the first place."

***

[Thirteenth chapter done!]