will you be my legacy? - linhiana (the legacies series 2)

bonus fitz chapter

biana was throwing a party, & fitz wasn't invited.

he could hear laughter, & voices splashing through the wall that separated his & his sister's rooms. he had seen her friends—fuck that, they were his friends too, or at least they had been—walking into everglen. he had seen the goddamn rainbow hanging on biana's door. who did she think she was?

he focused on the anger boiling in his stomach, forcing it down to a simmer. if he burst into their party, they would hate him even more. anyway, sophie was here, & she was smiling at him, & blushing, & if fitz forced himself to blush back that was all he would need to make everyone think he was normal.

sophie spoke. i'm sorry about what i said. her hair was long & blonde, & she was kind, & she really cared for him. fitz liked her. really. he did. & if he didn't like her enough, it didn't matter. he could force himself. it was all just a spur-of-the-moment thing. i didn't...i didn't think it would last so long.

he tried to focus on her words. she was talking about their breakup, he knew. he should be nodding, or looking shy or glad or sweet or saying something that made her blush. but his mind was in the next room over, where his sister & her girlfriend where probably kissing. where his ex-best friend & his boyfriend were. maybe they were kissing, too.

there was also dex, in the next room over. fitz couldn't get his mind off of dex.

fuck it. this wasn't supposed to be happening. again.

fitz? are you even listening? sophie frowned, biting her lip nervously. she lifted her hand up to her eye, then, with some effort, dropped it down. she'd been trying to stop tugging out her eyelashes recently, but they still bothered her. in fact, the conscious effort of resisting the impulse seemed to have been making her eyelashes even more itchy.

fitz knew this because she confided in him. because even once they had broken up, he was second-nature: shiny, shimmering, sure of himself perfection, glossy & firm in his beliefs. because even though biana & keefe & every fucking gay friend she had was warning her away from him, trash-talking him, pissed off at him, she still gravitated towards him. every day, he stared at himself in the mirror & reminded him that it was fate. of course he loved her. he knew her so well. she trusted him. & mostly, he trusted her too.

he'd stare at his reflections & repeat what he knew had to be true, word for word, over & over again. you are fitz vacker. you are normal. the same words, so many times they became a jumbled mess of sylables. & he made that mess his mantra. you are normal. you are normal. because if he told himself he was normal so much that the words dripped into him like melting wax, they had to be true. if he forced this maxim into his heart, past everything that was twisted & shameful, so that it became a seed in him, it had to be true. it had to be true, because the seed had sprouted hate, & if he didn't even know who he was, he would be the worst kind of elf. not just different, but wrong.

so he became the plant sprouted from that little seed, because he needed to. he built walls so high he couldn't see around them. he distanced himself from the people he was closest to when they turned out to be different. peculiarity was a virus, & he was quarantining himself from it.

of course i'm listening, fitz said.

sophie smiled, looking away shyly. then... do you think we could start over? forget that we ever broke up?

you are fitz vacker. you are normal.

of course we can.

sophie leaned in, & fitz kissed her. he kissed the girl he was supposed to love until she lost her breath. he ignored the small ounce of differentness in his gut, urging him that this was wrong. he ignored his heart, the heart he'd ripped out, the heart that was now mocking him in the next room over.

he was fitz vacker. he was normal. & if he wasn't normal, he would force himself to be.

a/n: do you still hate fitz? i might actually rewrite all the scenes when he acts really bad in his perspective & post them as extra bonus chapters, but for now, 'will you be my legacy?' is officially complete! which brings me to my next announcement...

'they can have my legacy', the third book in 'the legacies series', is out now! all i've posted so far is the author's note, so you can add it to your libraries. 

i hope you all love 'will you be my legacy?' as much as i do. which did you like better, 'this is our legacy now' or 'will you be my legacy?'? i liked them both, but i actually think i might have liked this one a little more. i hope everyone stays safe & healthy, & i wish you a great day from the bottom of my heart.

xx ref