Helvete Mafia University

Chapter Forty-Five

「Chapter XIV: Apologies and Let go's」

「Tamara Quinn」

Xia told me that they already finished their task on executing Bea's recruits, halos mapapikit ako ng mariin ng malaman kong madami ang natagpuang patay sa East wing ng dorm. Knowing that it was Bryle, Hades, and Zachary's idea━I almost lose my shit. I am here just because I am forced to do it, my father was the one who wants me to become like him and yes I am admitting it━I am slowly becoming one of them. A murder but the mercy of having my sense of conscience will forever haunt me like ghost that is why I decline their offer for the mass murder they want. Sa ngayon ay narito ako sa Lutos pavilion, chilling and trying to unwind, lately after what happened to us━I have finally come up with my decision as Xia and Hades said; to choose between Bryle and Zachary. Gaya ng sinabi sa akin ni Hades dati, I am into Bryle and I am just giving Zachary a high hope of me falling for him too. 

To be honest, I also come to like Zachary but Bryle from the other hand can make my whole world flip. 'Yung kumbaga kaya niyang baliktarin ang lahat pati na rin ang nararamdaman ko. Love is like gambling, you risk many chances and what if's just to seal your heart and to save someone from despair. In love, one must sacrifice and one must suffer from pain. That is why I am afraid to choose between Bryle and Zachary but if I will continue to be like this then, both of them will suffer. I know Zachary is so kind, caring, and loving, he is my comfort zone and everything about him hinders me to see the clarity on my true feelings towards Bryle. 

I know if I will do this, I might lose Zachary, I might hurt him so bad to the point that he will hate me for the rest of his life but I cannot just sit here doing nothing. Waiting for everything to calm down will be the answer, waiting for the right time will never be a good strategy to stop hurting. I have my final verdict━I will face my fear now. 

"Ang lalim naman ata ng iniisip mo,"napatingin ako sa aking likuran ng may biglang mag salita, it was Zachary. A lonely smile slowly form on lips upon seeing him, he silently sat beside me as we watch the lutos plants floats. 

Will you still be my friend if I will chose Bryle over you? Tanong ko sa aking sarili habang pinagmamasdan siya. 

"I know you are already in love with him and I cannot do anything about it, I can see it in your eyes Tamara."natuod ako, I suddenly averted my gaze towards him and now he is already staring at me with those gloomy eyes. 

"How?"

"Hindi mo naman kailangang sabihin para lang malaman ko hindi ba? The way you look at him was enough for me to understand everything. I'm not dumb Tamara, alam ko kung ano ang nilalaman ng mga titig iyon. Bryle also loves you and your feelings for each other is mutual. Alam kong ako lang naman ang iniisip mo kaya pinipigilan mo."he answered.

"Zachary,"

"Feelings, specially love is inevitable Tamara, you came into my life like a beautiful dream that gives me this unknown affection. Don't let your guilt hider you for choosing Bryle just because of me. I don't want to feel pitied by the woman I love. Alam ko namang  kaseng dehado na 'ko 'nong una pa lang 'eh, I said to myself that I won't let Bryle have you but fate is pulls you away from me. Those beautiful memories I have shared with you and my kisses that painted your lips will always be here, even if I am not the one who will hold you from now on."he mumbled as he reach for my trembling hand. My heart throb because of the pain I am feeling towards Zachary. Hindi ko ginusto ang lahat ng ito, I never knew that loving someone can also hurt someone just because of the idea of love and confusion. 

I got confused when I am still confirming my feelings but now that I already know the answer I need to hurt Zachary. I loved Zachary the way it is, hence love is not always about being romantic, I love him because he is my good friend. Sigurado na ako diyan. My heart already know whose the one I love, the one I want to surrender.

"I'm so sorry Zachary, I'm so sorry for hurting you like this."I muttered but he just pressed his index finger right into my lips. 

"I am now letting you go, do not mind me, go to Bryle and pursue your love. I will always be here loving you silently, if things will go wrong or crumbles, I am willing to catch you no matter what. Just promise me one thing now my love..."he trailed.

"Please be happy, huwag mo akong isipin, do what is the right thing. Chose the one you love."he said as he rose from his seat and walk away.

Kinagabihan ay wala akong imik na nakisalamuha kina Hades, Zachary is also silent hanggang matapos ang aming night class at sa ngayon ay iniwan ko silang lahat sa hideout. While here I am spending my time alone in the rose vine garden. Xia asked me what is wrong but I chose to stay silent, all I want to do now is to find my courage to face Zachary despite of what happened between us. Sa ngayon ay kailangan ko munang palamigin ang sitwasyon, I need to fix everything before I do the right thing. I will wait for the moment that everything will be in a serene state before I jump into my next step.