Transform Me (A "Shatter Me" Trilogy Fanfiction)

FIVE: GUESTS OF HONOR

5: Guests of Honor

I’ve never known of a grief so crippling, a guilt so acute, until now.  The intensity and severity of these emotions are almost enough to destroy me.

 After Kim’s outburst, all I could do was stare helplessly as he thrashed around, screaming, and began pulling at the wires attached to his body.  I’ve never felt so useless, so contrite, so empty than in that single moment. 

 It was like time stopped and sped forward at the same time, and I could hear each of my heartbeats pounding so loudly in my ears that I could have sworn anyone could hear it from a kilometer away.  In fact, I was so sure that it was the thudding of my heart, and not Kim’s panic attack, that had alerted the medics.  When they finally came into the room, three of them had to hold Kim down to sedate him.

 It’s been two days since the incident, and I haven’t gone back into Kim’s room since.

 In fact, I’ve been avoiding the clinic as much as possible and diving into work, desperate for any form of distraction.  The only good news is that Judith is awake now and feels well enough to move out of the clinic and back into her room.  As soon as she was lucid, she recounted the events of their rescue mission to me in detail. 

 The moment she had teleported Farhan, Kim and herself into the jet, Juliette Ferrars and her companions were surprised, to say the least.  There was so much yelling, Judith said, and they wouldn’t believe her, but she grabbed them anyway.

 And that’s when the jet exploded.

 Farhan had immediately been knocked away on impact, and Kim, in that split second, had projected a shield that encapsulated them.  But that was after his leg had been blown off.  His Energy levels were quickly depleting and Judith desperately teleported them back to the headquarters.

 I couldn’t stand listening to another word.  I’d apologized to Judith over and over again, so much so that I lost count.  Even though she says she’s not angry with me and that she forgives me, I still can’t help but feel that her mercy is something I can never deserve.

 So currently, I’m in Sector 21’s military base once again, pretending to be their leader.  I know it’s cowardly of me to run away from all the troubles that I’ve caused, but I feel like if I had stayed at the headquarters a minute longer, I would have spontaneously combusted.

 Yesterday, at a press conference, I released an official statement saying that Juliette Ferrars is dead.  And now, the world thinks that their symbol of the revolution is no more.  Initially, I assumed that this would cause the peoples’ hopes to waver and the uprisings to die down.  Instead, this news has only sparked a more aggressive movement to reclaim the peoples’ freedom.

 The Reestablishment is not happy.  And this, I think, is the only saving grace in this entire catastrophe.

 Now that the world believes Juliette Ferrars to be dead, the Reestablishment’s next move is to stifle the protesting activists and kill anyone who stands in their way.  As much as I would like to help the civilians to the extent of my abilities, I cannot give my identity away.  At least, not yet.  My position as General Watanabe is much too valuable to the Souseiki Dousa for me to just go ahead and risk everything we’ve spent years planning for.  So instead of killing the revolutionists on sight, I have ordered the soldiers to only detain them.

 No one questions my commands; not even Lieutenant Fukawa, although I’m aware this may seem suspicious to him.

 I have instructed the lieutenant to personally head the patrols around the compounds in our sector.  While he is out doing his duty, I sit in General Watanabe’s office and go over recent reports and make duplicates for myself of important documents.