Transform Me (A "Shatter Me" Trilogy Fanfiction)

FOUR: COLLATERAL DAMAGE

4: Collateral Damage

            There are shouts of celebration behind me, but celebrating is the furthest thing from my mind right now.

             “Judith, do you read me?  Judith?”  I shriek.  “Farhan?  Kim?  Anyone, please just answer me!”

              The silence on the other end is unbearable.  But then I realize belatedly that the heat from the missiles has fried my earpiece.  In fact, the hairs on the right side of my face, as well as my right eyebrow, are singed.  I yank the chip from my ear, throw it against the concrete floor, and crush it beneath my heel in frustration and anguish.

 And all I can think is, no no no no.

 I feel so numb with disbelief that I don’t immediately realize that Lieutenant Fukawa is standing next to me.

  “Sir, are you all right?”  He inquires, sounding actually concerned.  “I think we need to send over a medic.”

  I need to get back to the Souseiki Dousa headquarters.  I need to know what happened, if they survived, if they managed to save Juliette Ferrars, if Judith and Farhan and Kim are all right.

  Oh, God.  Kim.

  I want to shriek, “What have you done?” and “You killed my friends!”  But instead, this is what leaves my chapped lips: “Let’s return to the base.”

  Lieutenant Fukawa blinks, then nods.

  As soon as we’re back in Sector 21’s military base, I refuse all Lieutenant Fukawa’s attempts to have me checked up by a medic and have my burns treated, and then quietly slip into Lieutenant Watanabe’s quarters.

  Once the door is locked behind me, I slump against it and slide to the floor.  I’m breathing so hard and so fast and my vision is quickly blurring and I curse myself for my incompetence.

  Judith was clearly apprehensive about this mission, and I just went ahead and pushed her.  I never should have forced her to do something against her will.  I never should have dragged her or Farhan or Kim into this. 

  And, oh God, Kim.

  Pressing my fists into my eyes, I bite back on the sob threatening to break loose from me.  And all I can think is, I need to get back to the headquarters.

  It takes all what’s left of my strength to get back up on my feet and stagger towards the chamber where they keep the tanks.  I select one at random and slip in.  After scanning my palm, I steer the tank out into the open.

  I don’t bother circling the compounds, or taking a different route.  But I still park as far away from the headquarters as possible.  Once I’ve changed back into myself, I run across the barren land, and climb into one of the secret entrances.

  Gupta is the first person I see inside.

  “Hiroko.”  Grief is written all over Gupta’s brown face. 

  I’m almost too afraid to ask, but I bring myself to anyway.

  “How are they?  How are Judith and Farhan and K-Kim?”  My voice breaks as I say his name.  “Please tell me they’re all right.  Gupta, please!”

  “Farhan,” Gupta drops his gaze, and his voice grows thick with emotion, “Farhan didn’t make it.”

  For one moment, I think I’ve misheard him.  But even as his words start to sink in, I refuse to believe it.  Tears prickle at the back of my eyes and I feel my throat constrict.