Petals in the Wind

Chapter 33: Right through me

   He already knew. When I got the the manor Ash was sitting in the red room where he often went to think, he didnt even look at me when I entered. Instead he looked down at an empty pad of paper he said exactly the opposite I thought he would say, "You could have came to me," he rubbed his jaw as if he was thinking to himself. Finally he looked up at me coldness settling between us as I stood infront of him already feeling shame, "I thought I could trust you."

   I looked down at my hands, "I did what I had to."

   "Why didnt you tell me?" Thinking about it, I didnt really have a good reason even Arisella tried to speak reason with me.

   A part of me still wondered why I didn't come to him, was I trying to protect him? Did I think he was going to shut me down? "I thought it would be easier if you didn't come."

   "Did I do something to upset you last night? Was my gift too much?" He frowned he was genuinely confused and he had every right to be. I had agreed to trust him, confide in him and I havn't because no matte how nice that seemed I couldnt.

   "No of course not I love the gift," I said touching my neck. "We needed to get to the bottom of the dark woods and though I chose to go about it the wrong way... I got what we needed."

   His jaw twitched slightly, "I know I had Blade watch you guys. I'm always two steps ahead so next time just inform me is that so hard? I would have agreed you know."

   I rubbed my arm nervously, "I'm not thinking clearly," I shrugged finally sitting down a crossed from him. "Everything has gone to shit all at once and I just can't think," my bottom lip wobbled slightly. "I feel like any minute I'll shatter."

   Ash looked down for a second then met my eyes, "He's getting married Nadia, you need to let go of him for your own sanity." Between my mother dying and Nixin carrying Rones child I thought I might have a mental breakdown any minute, I had to stop lying to myself. I wasn't okay and that was okay.

   "How do I stop loving him?" That was the question, that was the golden ticket. How do I go a day without missing my mom, wishing things could be different?

   "You dont," he said looking over to the portrait of Lorelei. "But if I know anything it is that you will and you can get through all the mess because you were built for bigger battles, we both were. Rone is the love of your life but you have to remember so was Gregory," I hadn't told him about Gregory and my past but I guess it was obvious. "Have you explored things in that regin again? He still loves you and the two of you have been spending a lot of time together, not any man leaves his home to follow a woman to a den of dragons."

   This took me off guard, "You suggest burying my pain with a new flame? Scratch that an old flame? In what universe is that exactly healthy?" I squinted at him as he smirked slightly.

   "I'm just saying to live your life because its going to be a long one I'm not telling you to fall in love," he said leaning forward. "Life is empty without someone to share it with, the dome is up and Meredith is trapped until we can figure out what else is needed to bring back the late King you have all the time in the world to live your life a little. You told me you wanted your own soldiers, I will make you a general." Not to mention I needed to start practicing my magic and stretching it's limits, as much as I hoped this would end in our favor I needed to be ready for a war. I also needed to be there for Simon, thats what I promised my mom. 

   "This team...I get to train them and pick them out?"

   He eyed me grabbing his cane and spinning it around beside himself, "You run a hard bargain."

   "I'm hoping that being your creator gives me some extra points," I batted my eyes.

   His lips twitches slightly but he didnt smile, "Fine."