Petals in the Wind

Chapter 23: Fix what's broken

   I dont know how one prepares for death but I knew hers was coming, I've known all along and even now it seemed impossible. When Gregory told me I flew to my house in a blind haze my mind scrambled with memories, hoping I'd make it in time, replaying every second and minute I was given with her. Ive thought about all the things I could apologize for but at the end of the day I just wanted to tell her how much I love her that I always loved her.

   My mother laid on her bed, her face pale and her breaths shorter and shorter. Death wasnt beautiful and it wasnt painless, I would give anything just to take her pain away. "Is that you Nadia?" She coughed, holding Simon in her arms.

   I put my hand in Simons and the other in my mothers trying to keep my composure. No one wants to see their mothers life slowly fade away before them, even though death is natural it is probably the strongest change that happens in ones life. I looked down at her small pale hands, the same hands that held me and wiped away my tears, the same hands that bleed for her family. My mother is magic everything she did was magic to us. I couldn't help but notice my father wasn't here and even if he did get the news of her death I'm sure he wouldn't shed a tear. "Dont speak," I swallowed. "You can tell me everything in here," I tapped lightly on her head as I brushed her hair from her face.

   She only smiled thinly her voice rumbling into my mind, "Tell Simon that I know he will grow to be a strong man, tell him to live his life with kindness and empathy that what he was taught isnt what he has to be. He's too young to loss his mother so I need  you to raise your brother with wisdom and compassion, a man raised on pride and loss isn't a man at all. I need you to be everything I wasnt. I need you to protect our family with your life you understand me?" She was now crying and I was too, "They will always fight for you just as you would them, blood is blood. Even though I haven't been what you needed... Nadia I want you to know I'm every bit proud of the woman you're becoming. Bringing you guys into this world is the only thing I did right in this life and the only thing I'll never regret." She didnt sound sick, she sounded strong and sure of herself when she spoke through my mind, just how I would remember her. "And then Noah, you know he's always had a good head on his shoulders but he needs to live a little, you need to show him everything thats out there. Dont miss a second."

   "I wish I could bring you back, stop this somehow..." Moments like this you are reminded you are powerless. I didnt want this to be real, I didnt want to hear her goodbye story no matter how much I needed it, hearing it just made me feel useless.

   "I dont," she told me as she caught a tear on Simons cheek he looked so lost and small. "I've lived a long life, my bones hurt and I'm ready to be at peace and watch you take back our world."

   "You think I can?"

   "I know you can, all these centuries of pain and growth... dying and being reborn time after time, losing Rone, it wasnt for nothing. If I would have known I held a creator in my womb I would have done so much more for you," she closed her eyes slightly. "I'm afraid the way you've seen love has ruined your entire reality of it and I'm sorry for that. You were taught to be strong and brave which is good but you never learned how to feel with your whole heart, I never learned to love with my whole heart..."

   "What do you mean?" I frowned.

   "I never loved you father at least not in your life. Your father didnt love me but somewhere deep in his heart he loves you, probably the most." Why was she telling me this now? "Forgive him Nadia you will need him."

   "Never, he left you to die."

   "Ive been dying since I was born," that was the hard reality day by day we get closer to our end. "This is my time and my time only dont give him the glory of that. Simon will need his family and his father."