Around and around we go

Chapter 8

I lay there watching him as he drifted off to sleep almost immediately, his breathing slowing down, his body relaxing completely into me as if he where made to fit there perfectly. Brushing a strand of hair from his forehead and tucking it behind his ear. I run my hand through his long hair as I tried to shut my brain off and just relax and enjoy this short time I had with him.

Was he right? Was I lying to myself? Maybe I did fell slightly empty, a shell of a person, without him. We had spent time apart before, it's not like we're always attached at the hip. But this time had been different.

I cut all ties, all communication.

I banned him from visiting me while I recovered.

I deleted all social media, changed my phone number and email.

I moved out of the Lab for good and didn't provide a forwarding address.

The only person who knew where I went was Emma. She always respected my wishes and not once did she beg me to come back, even though I knew she wanted to. I make a mental note to call her as soon as it's a normal hour back in LA. We haven't talked in months, completely my fault with this job and all of the traveling I do. I owed her big time, not only for helping me, but for taking care of him. Jared and I have been taking care of each other since the first time I fell into his life.

Literally.

In true 'Natalie Form' I wasn't paying attention to my feet, and I tripped and fell directly into him...and the MASSIVE painting he was working on. We were both sprawled over the canvas, covered in paint, and laughing so hard neither of us could speak. Ever since that moment we've been together. It was easy being around him. He never made demands of me, never judged me. He was always encouraging of whatever I wanted to do, no matter how ridiculous it might have been (this included some pretty questionable fashion choices...). 

I think because I am younger than he is, he felt like it was his chance to be a big brother to someone who desperately needed it. My mother wasn't strong enough to deal with my father leaving us. She had turned to drugs, and eventually overdosed when I was 14. I was 17 when I got accepted into the University of the Arts in Philadelphia, one of the youngest at the time. I had been taking pictures of my mother with this old Polaroid camera all throughout her struggle and addiction with drugs, and I became what some people had called a "genius of the time", I had no idea what that meant. I just knew what I wanted to see in a picture. I figured a lot of it out on my own, the lighting and angles, without even realizing it. I guess that makes me a genius? I'm still not sure about it 20 years later.

He went to film school in New York, and I finished out my degree in Philly. I'd wake up in the middle of the night to him sneaking into my tiny apartment, crawling into my bed saying that he couldn't sleep. There was never anything sexual or romantic about our relationship back then, I was still a child. We needed each other. I needed someone to make me feel protected and he needed to protect someone.

Then he moved to LA.

That was a rough time for us. The early nineties didn't have email or Skype or texting. Calling across the country was not cheap either. Thankfully I was sought out by a couple of rather influential and well-off people who commissioned some pieces from me. I was in LA shooting for one of them, and this time Jared was the one who ran into me. Well, almost ran me over more like. I hadn't been able to get a hold of him to let him know I was going to be in LA. I was crushed that I might not get to see him, I was only in town for a couple of days. I was wandering around, lost in my thoughts, near the Santa Monica pier, when I stepped off the curb and a bicycle came screeching to a halt, knocking the rider over onto the sidewalk at my feet. He was face down on the ground, expletives flying out of his foul mouth at the person who almost killed him(again). "Fucking HELL!!, watch where you're walking you crazy bit...." He stopped mid sentence, jumped up and just hugged me. Hugged me like his life depended on it. The people who had stopped to see what was happening were beyond confused. We were both laughing hysterically, holding onto each other, tears running down my face. I moved out to LA shortly after that. 

And now here we were, together again. Do I give in to what was obviously meant to be? Or do I fight it and get on with the life I've worked so hard to create for myself? One thing was for sure, I was leaving in three days. I needed to make some sort of decision and soon.

He stirs in his sleep, squeezing me tighter, and mumbling incoherently. Something about stay, or staying? I can't really tell. 

"shhhhhh just sleep, it's OK...shhhhh...." I whisper to him and I go back to stroking his hair as he settles back into a deep sleep. The warmth of his body and the jet-lag begin to pull me out of my thoughts and lead me into a dreamless sleep.