Around and around we go

Chapter 12

Following Jared out of the hotel I was relieved to see that no one was paying us any attention. The skies had clouded over and a light drizzle was falling now. It was hard to believe that it had only been a few short hours since we were up on the roof taking in a magnificent sunrise.

Jared held the door open for me and I climbed across the backseat of the Town car, he got in behind me with his cell phone glued to his ear. It sounded like he was trying to work out what to do about tonight's show. Shayla, also on her phone, got in the front. I brought my laptop with me and I was confirming that my day had been rescheduled. I had accidentally let it slip to my boss that I was on my way to the hospital, so the office took care of almost everything.

Staring at my clear schedule, I nervously chewed on my thumb nail, a horrible habit I picked up when I was using. What I really needed right now was a meeting. I needed my sponsor. Things were spiralling out of control and the overwhelming need to find the easiest escape possible was rearing it's ugly head. I sent Sam an email explaining my current situation without going into too much detail, praying she would see it soon and get back to me. This 17 hour time difference was not making things any easier.

Putting my laptop down on the seat between us with a sigh, I watched the city pass by my window. A living mosaic of brightly colored umbrellas began to blur in the rain as we picked up speed. The hospital was across town, giving me a little time to try and relax. As if sensing my unease, Jared reaches over and takes my hand, lifting it to his lips he places a kiss on the back of it. How does he do that? He doesn't let go of my hand, just puts it back down on the seat and rests his hand protectively over mine from the other side of car. Putting my head back, I close my eyes and tell myself that this will be fine.

Breathe.

I will be fine. I'm doing this for Jared, he needs me.

Breathe.

Emma will be here soon. I can handle this.

Breathe.

"Nat?" He's finished his phone call and I can feel the plush leather seat shift as he slides himself closer to me.

"Hmm?" Keeping my eyes shut, afraid that if I open them just now I might completely lose the little bit of calm I've managed to conjure.

He's right beside me now, wrapping his left arm around my shoulders and pulling me towards him. Once again kissing the top of my head, he asks "Are you OK? Open your eyes, you're kind of freaking me out."

"Yes, perfectly OK. I just needed a moment to try and clear my head is all." That's a lie.

"Don't lie to me. You're biting your nails, you only do that when you need...When you needed a fix. Talk to me."

Shit.
I lower my hands to my lap and he places his hand on top, gently holding them in place.

"Natalie..." Whispering in my ear, resting his forehead on the side of my head. "I'm here now. You can talk to me. You can trust me."

Deep breath in.
He places a gentle kiss on my temple.
Exhale.
He has this unimaginable calming effect on me, like nothing I've ever experienced before. Almost as if the touch of his lips was a hit of something dangerous that my body craved. Turning to face him, our foreheads pressed together, his very being overwhelming all of my senses. I needed this man in ways I never realized before. Abandoning all rational thought, I lean in and press my lips against his. I swear my heart stops as I feel him tense up.

FUCK. Well I definitely fucked that up!! He's always giving me little pecks on the lips but I never kiss him. Turning away to look back out the window I hear a low growl rise from him and without any warning, he's gripping the back of my head and covering my mouth with a hungry kiss. Stunned, it takes me half a second to respond to his warm mouth on mine. Reaching up and grabbing his beard, I deepen the best kiss I've ever had. EVER. It was electric, and soft, and passionate.... and short lived as his phone started to ring. This time I let out the growl as he gently tugs on my bottom lip with his teeth, releasing me from his grip and taking the call. 

Is THIS why he had felt so different to me earlier? 

What the fuck just happened? What did this mean?

We don't do these things. 

Or... do we?