Do you know how difficult it is? To be sitting in a blinding white room, for such a long time? People throwing information your way, telling you things you don't understand? I can't even remember my name anymore... did I even have one in the first place? I don't know. It was cold as I sat here, looking out the window, other people walked around outside the building. Some in uniform, helping around visitors or patients. A knock came from my door, and a lady in white came in, saying she has a visitor for me. Another woman appeared, in a pink floral dress and short brown hair, her face aged a bit with worry. "Hello Chase, are you doing okay hun? It's me, Emily, your mother." She said, smiling. I just nodded. She always said this. That she was my mother. I don't remember her the slightest bit though...
She sat down in the chair across from me, and an awkward silence ensued.
"So... Chase, your father has gone up in the business now. He's earning even more money... and now we can get all we've ever wanted. Isn't that great?" I simply nodded again. This ghost like figure of a father I keep hearing about, it was getting old. If this man was so great, why couldn't he ever visit? This woman would always appear before me, claiming to be my mom, but her husband, who is my father apparently, is never here. I didn't care for any of them, they were strangers to me. But still... it's no excuse to leave a woman alone like this. It was sad, really. I turned my head and looked out the window again. I didn't feel like talking. Then again, whenever anyone visits, I never really talk to them in the first place.
The lady wearing white spoke up, "Ms. Evans, I think we should leave Chase for a bit... maybe he'll feel more up to talking later." The woman with the pink dress nodded, looking crestfallen. She got up, and hugged me. I froze up, the sudden contact came out of nowhere. I didn't hug back though. I sat there, silent, not moving. She let go, looking a little hurt, and exited out after the lady in white.
I felt a little pang of guilt. I didn't mean to make anyone upset, but what the hell do they expect me to do?
I got out of the rubbery chair and walked over to my bed. White sheets, white pillow. I made my way around it to the other side, and walked towards a dresser. Over the dresser was a mirror, drilled into the wall. I looked in.
A man stared back at me. Black hair, green glowing eyes, skin a pale white. A long scar stretched from just under his left eye to his collar bone. I shook my head, and the person in the mirror shook his at the same time.
This is what I look like.
I touched the scar lightly. It was supposed to be a part of a memory. A distant memory. Something I couldn't quite put my finger on.
I quickly turned around when another knock came from my door. Another person wearing white walked in. He said it was time for a walk outside.
Everyone was allowed outside, whenever we needed air or something. But I didn't really like going anywhere, I preferred to stay in one place. So they thought it would be therapeutic to make me go out every once in a while.
It was just getting old.
I sighed and followed him out.
The outdoors wasn't any fun. The sun was too bright, the grass was itchy, and it was noisy.
I sat at the foot of a big oak tree, in the shade, staring up at the blue sky.
"Beautiful day out, isn't it?"
I looked forward and a girl stood in front of me. She had on black jeans, a gray shirt, and red flannel. Her shoulder length brown hair shaped her face, and she sported soft brown eyes. I shrugged, I didn't feel like communicating with anyone.
"I'm Sarah. What's your name?"
I stared back up at the sky. Remembering what the lady in the pink dress kept calling me, I decided to go with that.
"Chase."
She sat down next to me. It was silent for a bit.
"Not much of a talker, huh?" She said. I shrugged.
"That's okay, I like hearing myself talk anyways." She smiled. The entire time she explained who she was. She was a schizophrenic. She pointed out to an empty spot next to her, and said his name was Allen. The others were in her head, and that they were her best friends. Each of them had different 'jobs'. She was strange. Different. But in a good way. She got to a point were she mentioned something about a nightmare. And she stopped. I turned my head, looking down to her. She was staring at her hands intently. She let out a cry and grasped at her hair. She was shaking.
I didn't mean to move. I didn't want to hold her. I didn't want to stroke her hair, to say that it's all going to be alright. I didn't think that I'd feel a little tug in my heart. For the first time since I woke up in this white coated cold place, I actually felt... warmth.
One of the orderlies came and broke us up, taking the girl and walking her back into the building.
I sat there, staring after her.
And I wondered.
Did she know what she did?
