It was strange, being so close to her, yet so far. It was nighttime now. Her room was behind the wall that was behind my bed. I lay there, hearing the sounds of her changing. I felt... dirty. Filthy. Like I was invading her privacy. Which I was. But there's nothing I could do about it.
Then I heard the shuffling of sheets, she was going to bed.
She kept tossing and turning. Then I heard a groan. "Allen, shut up."
It was silent.
"So?"
Even more silence.
"So what if we did?! It's none of your business!" She snapped at Allen.
Silence again.
"I cannot believe you are doing this right now."
More silence.
Then I heard sniffling, and my heart felt like breaking in two. She was crying.
"I'm so sorry Allen... I know you do... and I love you too... but... it was bound to happen!"
She was moving again, it sounded like she was getting up.
"I know that! But what do you want me to do?! I... like him, okay? I was bound to find someone at some point, so just deal with it."
She went silent again, through chocking sobs she said,
"You're my best friend. I don't mean to hurt you."
More silence.
"I can't."
She was walking around the room.
"We can't, Allen please. There are other kinds of dreams. Why?"
Silence.
"Allen, please, it makes me feel so confused. N- no, it's not that I don't, it's just that... it feels like I'm using you, and him. Allen please. I love you both."
More silence. I felt awkward now. She was fighting with Allen, and I was listening in on it. And even more awkward... she was in love with Allen.
"I know, you just sat there, watching us... do that... I know it made you hurt... and I'm sorry."
He saw us do that? Weirdly enough, I felt a pang of guilt. Poor guy. But that didn't change the fact that I loved her. And yet... I couldn't help but feel that it was still wrong somehow.
"Allen, wait, but it's nighttime, I can't go to sleep. Okay, just promise you'll keep one eye open okay?"
More silence.
"I will. I know you do."
The sound of shuffling and then silence was all I heard.
I sighed. This was going to be even more complicated than I thought.
I lay here for... probably an hour, and then something unexpected happened, her breathing hitched and... she moaned a little. The sound of her moaning suddenly made me feel a little hot and bothered.
"... Allen, A- Allen-" she gasped, moaning a little louder. She was asleep, dreaming. With Allen. I remembered that she mentioned each type of dream had a different flavor. That Allen ate dreams, and it was his job to block out her nightmares.
Was this their compromise?
A twisted love?
Loving and hurting... how can those two things possibly be combined?
Being miserable and happy all at the same time...
It must be torture.
To be honest, I still felt aroused. And that only made things worse. Her moans were soft and low, no one else could hear it but me; A guilty pleasure.
I wanted her.
I can't deny that.
I just... want all of her. That should be my name she's calling out.
But then my mind stopped. No. No, I can't. I don't, I shouldn't. I'd get into deep shit, really deep shit. I want her, but I can't. She feels the same, but... we can't. I'm way older, and... there are rules, apparently.
But then again, we broke those rules when we kissed, when my hands were touching and feeling her sides.
I want her.
But something in the back of my mind made it feel like it was still wrong. But I didn't know why.
