Backdoor Boy

14

Mikey pulled the light blanket tighter around his shoulders. It was summer, but the evening breeze was brisk. He stared through the tears balanced on his lashes, blurring his vision of the dying embers in the fire pit before of him.

I am a horrible person.

I am a horrible person.

I am a horrible person.

I broke two people who trusted me. Oh, God, Ray... He hates me.

Mikey jumped as he heard the back door of his house open and close. He quickly wiped his face. He didn't want to have to explain himself to either of his parents. Frankly, he never wanted to speak again.

A glass of lemonade appeared in front of him. Mikey took it and mumbled a thanks. Gerard nodded and sat down in the chair beside him.

Mikey sniffed. "Did you know?" he whispered.

"Yeah."

"How?"

"I'm not fucking stupid, Mikey. You did everything but blurt out 'I'm cheating on Pete' yesterday. You lied about your 'friend' to Pete. You came home with your shirt on backwards after being with your 'friend.' You were careless."

A tear slipped down Mikey's cheek. "I never meant for things to get this far."

Gerard sighed. "Tell me what happened, Mikes," he said gently.

"Why?" Mikey asked. "I thought you didn't like talking about this stuff."

Gerard shrugged. "Yeah," he said. "I don't. But I gotta know what happened here. I mean, this isn't... you."

Mikey sighed. "It started at that stupid fucking party," he began. "I was just trying to find the bathroom, and I walked into Pete making out with Patrick. I know now that it was just Patrick's boyfriend, but I didn't at the time. Anyway I went outside, Ray followed me, and we... well..."

Gerard nodded, not wanting to hear the details. "Got it," he said. "Keep going."

"It wasn't supposed to be more than that. I wasn't supposed to see him ever again," Mikey said desperately. "But then I went to the diner, and he was there. And I couldn't stop thinking about him. And I didn't love Pete, and I know I should have broken up with him before..." Mikey choked on his words as he started to cry. "Oh, Gee, I feel horrible."

"I know," Gerard said softly. He reached over and placed a hand on his brother's shoulder. "But... You don't really get to feel horrible."

"Huh?"

"Well... You're the bad guy here."

Mikey let out a sob. He took a deep, shaky breath. "I... I know," he said. "I broke both their hearts in the span of ten minutes."

Gerard nodded. He licked his teeth. Mikey could tell he was thinking hard about something. Before he could ask, Gerard opened his mouth. "Mikey, do you wanna know what I think?"

"Yes."

"To me, it sounds like you gave way more of a shit about Ray than you ever did about Pete. And you fucked it up. If you want to fix this, you're gonna have to work your ass off."

-

Mikey jumped at the knock on his door. "Yeah?" he croaked. He had been laying in bed since he had woken up, and it was mid-afternoon.

His door cracked open, and Gerard popped his head in. "I'm getting coffee," he said. "Wanna come?"

Mikey paused. I haven't gone to the diner in... How long has it been? he thought. A week? Two weeks? Yeah, two weeks feels right.