Letters I'll Never Send

July 4, 2019 23:56

So, is this a thing now? That there is a month that I'd write to you and leave, then come back after sometime. It is quite annoying to read all these and still agree with myself. Damn right, I still love you the same. 

Earlier last month, I am feeling head over heels for you again. I even cried and told my bestfriend that I love you. I really do. And we laughed it off while my heart is actually aching for you then. Your eyes still look the same. We still look at each other the same. 

Last month, our mutual friend and I also talked how similar your letter is to Maxon's especially the structure but some says that it is not actually the same. Quite but not really. You know what? I really need to stop myself from using that letter to hold on this feeling. 

But guess what too?! I used your twenty peso bill that I have kept for almost four years just to prove to myself that I am over you and that I can let a girl come into my life. This girl was my girlfriend for four months and broke up with me because she has something going on. I hate to say this but when our relationship was falling apart, there are times that I suddenly would miss you. I do not know why but I just do. And it stings. A friend told me that it is like I am mentally cheating on her. But that time, it is all 'I miss you, friend' because I know for a fact then that I am in a relationship. But why did it stung? Then after meeting you again? Heck! Why did I use that bill!! I want it back. 

Well, when I messaged you then that I was curious about something, it is still that. What were your thoughts when I confessed to you? What were your actual thoughts about me? I just wanted to hear it from you—that I am only a friend. It might sound as if I am hurting myself but I think this would make me feel at ease too. To know where I really stand.

Anyways, whoever you like (because I feel that you are into someone right now), she is very lucky. More than lucky to have you. And I hope she makes you happy too.