S H E

I'm not perfect

I'm sorry I don't please you
That you don't like the state of my room every morning
Every afternoon
Every evening
Every night
I'm not perfect enough
I'm not good either
And I don't feel like trying
The clothes strung around my room
On the bed
On the floor
On the goddamn table
Are all metaphors
You refuse to see
Busy fussing over the fact that
The smell in my room is heavy
And I might faint from it
Like every other morning
But I don't feel perfect enough
So I don't need a perfect room
No fresh air
Or a clean place
I feel guilty
Of the skin I was born in
The things I've done
Now and in the past
A constant memory
In my head
Just playing like a movie
I don't need to re watch
Give me a break!

The sound of you complaining
To every decision that I'm making
Makes me feel smaller
As days are going by
I'm short enough
As it is
With the world
Weighing on my shoulders
It's all too much to carry you're not helping
You're not helping at all when you scream
And you rage on
About why I need to shower three times a day
Why I need to not post my pictures on the gram
Daily
Claiming to be aesthetic
When I'm washed out of style
And feminism
That only slutty girls
With no morals
Hang their tits for all to see
But I don't care
Because I don't see it that way
I don't see it that way
When I'm posting the million crazy pictures
I'm holding tightly in my phone
You don't need to scrutinize every second I'm on the phone
I don't speak
Because all you do is pick fights
Why do you think I stay silent
Out of respect!
That you constantly refuse to show me
As you look down on every action
Every movement that I make
I don't do things your way
And you think that's why I'm imperfect but it's all I know to be
So why do you judge me for what I think
How I breathe
How I sing
The talents I used to have
I locked it all away because of you
So now do you understand why I feel so alone
When I tell you I'm falling
In a spiral
All you think of is
If I may embarrass you with my grades
Since it may make me lose focus
Open your fucking eyes
And see what they all see
A broken daughter
Way past saving
A crying girl
Who needs help
Not for you to ponder on and on about how I look

Look I'm sorry!
For who I turned out to be
Not the girl you wished to see
With curves to match
The pretty face
And brown eyes
The hair and melanin
You blessed me with
If only you knew the war going on in my head
We'd be having a different story
At the moment
I'm not perfect for you
And I never will be
But maybe that's where the problem is
That I stopped being the perfect little girl for you
That I stopped being what you thought you saw me grow into
Not this loose girl
With loose morals
And no feminine warmth to match
You make me wish I was perfect for you
Knowing it would be the reason I die lonely