S H E

what are you doing

What are you doing?

What are you doing being all cooped up in your room like a pregnant woman too lazy to rise from her bed?
The dizziness you claim to feel a side effect of the nonexistent child you carry in your too flat stomach and maybe that's why you hide from us.

Why are you so lazy
Why are you so cold
Why do you insist to stay alone in the dark no less it's not anywhere near normal so why don't you stop Vanessa

I've told you
I've told you a hundred times why you need to stop shutting us out no one will be there for you like we are so why won't you stop?
Why won't you stop Vanessa, why won't you stop being so emotionless and out of tune with the world.
Nobody wants a woman way too lost inside her head it wont make for a good wife nor a good mother why do you neglect the mountain of responsibilities laid before your desk why do you continue to ignore them?

You're a woman Vanessa
A woman who should be warm and welcoming and interactive and sweet and full of smiles no matter how many bones she breaks or cuts that form on her skin but it doesn't matter anyway since no one cares about what you feel you have to move on.

Why is your nose always buried in your books and your eyes glued to the screen of your phone as you block everyone out it won't feed you nor will it keep you sane over the years you're lonely enough as it is and you'll dare come running into my room as you complain about it why won't you listen?

Are you deaf? Have you lost your senses how many times should I yell and shout over why you need to be like everyone else I want nothing but perfection from you and your sisters why won't you be the way that they are? A woman Vanessa. Why won't you act like a woman.

I work day and night and my limbs and body are sore from walking miles and miles and getting shouted at like I'm a child only to put a roof above your head so why won't you give me a rest and listen? Why won't you listen?

I'm sick and tired of all your bullshit your stupid claims of depression as you rant on and on with crocodile tears falling down your face when it's all your fault that you feel the way you do. What do you expect to feel when you don't talk to anyone at all and you're always trying your best to be alone so you better never complain again before you fix this. Before you fix your broken life and your broken heart and everything wrong with you. Not until you learn to respect me and relearn to respect the words I throw at you every time I see a smile on your face unless you're perfectly listening to what I say to you and follow like the puppet I want you to be when I tell you to jump and bark don't make any excuses about the pathetic side that you have I don't want to hear it.

Why won't you let me help you Vanessa? I need to be there for you I will be there for you no matter what you say or how many times you try to turn away I didn't carry you for nine fucking months only for you to fall down the wrong path that religion and society have set for you that I have set for you

What are you doing?
What are you doing way over there come here and give me a hug you can't run away from affection I don't care if you feel like it's an infection I'll imprint it in your mind if I have to on the importance of you being able to feel and I don't care if it breaks you more its a small consequence for you to live the life I want you to live the life I will make sure you live and I will stop at nothing to make sure you have it.

Because that is my job
And that is my responsibility
And I don't run away from things I have to do which is why I need to show you how to do the same.

How to know what you are doing in life.