Hate Me Love Me

11| Men Don't Cry 🚹

֍҉֍҉♥҉֍҉֍

"Maybe you are searching among the branches, for what only appears in the roots." --- Rumi.

֍҉֍҉♥҉֍҉֍

Alaric Aldrois

I add a sliver of yellow to the canvas and step back to observe the effect.

'I just don't get you, man,' Vincent says, eating salt and vinegar chips on one of the couches in my studio.

'He's all grey and black and white. Dull. Heartless. But he paints like he's farting rainbows on the canvas,' Sebastian explains, snatching the bag of chips from Vincent.

I pinch the bridge of my nose and put my palette and paintbrush down.

'Don't ask. I don't get it either,' I look at my painting and try to figure out what I'm doing. There're all sorts of colours on the canvas and it seems to be forming some sort of face that's always been stuck in my mind, but I can't explain it.

Every painting I've ever done is filled with colour. I don't even like colours, but for some reason, whenever I get the urge to paint, it's always colourful.

Walking over to my friends, I snatch the bag of chips from them and ignore their cries as I walk away with it.

'Guys, I called you over for a reason. Give me some ideas,' I say, sitting on a separate couch without taking off my paint-stained shirt. It doesn't matter. I can just get a new couch if this one gets ruined.

Vincent sits up straight and rubs his hands. 'OK. How do you make a girl cry, how do you make a girl cry?' he thinks aloud. His expression suddenly changes and he says 'Take away what she loves the most!'

I sigh and furrow my eyebrows.

'I'm already doing something with the library tomorrow if she goes there. And I can't do anything to that kid-cousin she loves except for trying to keep her away. But Baron, my new detective, said she got a job tutoring some grade 5 twins so she'll be out of the house more...' I say, and Sebastian looks at me seriously.

'Get her fired after a while?' he suggests.

Yep. No longer a saint.

Getting her fired will add on to other bad things. So it's good. And I also need to deal with this Christian Denver character.

'Man, I just don't get your obsession with her forever,' Vincent rubs his forehead in thought, slumping across the sofa and putting his feet on Sebastian's legs. 'I mean, I get that she's super hot, but you're not making a move. You're pissing her off...'

'Maybe that's his immature, baby way of hitting on a girl,' Sebastian jokes.

I roll my eyes.

Am I obsessed with the peacock-eyed girl that smells like gardenias?

Yes. Yes I am.

'If I find a way to explain it, you'll be the first to know,' I lie.

I know why I'm doing what I'm doing.

I know it's the most selfish thing ever.

But I need to know.

I need an answer.

And the only way I'll get an answer is when I see her cry again.

I'm an asshole. That's just who I am. I don't know if I'll ever get better. Doesn't seem like it so far. But there's a reason for everything I do. That reason may or may not be good enough for other people, but it's good enough for me, and that's all that matters to me.