I'll follow you into the dark

Part 3

*[Trigger Warning: sexual assault]*

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 Shawn started to take his guitar every time we had an appointment and we would always stop at the beach afterwards so he could play me something. I still haven't told him anything because I don't know how to approach the subject, but I decide I'll do it today. He's playing the last chords of Maroon 5's 'She will be loved' as we sit in the sand when I feel brave enough to say something.

 " Remember when you said you were here to listen to me if I ever needed someone to talk to?" I ask with hesitation. " Is that offer still up?"

 " Of course it is." He says putting his guitar down and taking one of my hands on his.

 I take a deep breath and look at the ocean, then I close my eyes for a little bit because hearing the waves calms me down. I feel him squeeze my hand two times, giving me the strength I needed, so I open my eyes and look back at him.

 " During high school and the one year and a half I spent in college, I used to be a very outgoing person. I dated a lot of guys in college and was always going to parties. I loved dancing so much, sometimes I find myself missing it, the feeling of freedom I would get was indescribable." I say smiling as I remember those good times. " One day I went to this party with a couple of friends, I wasn't even the mood but they insisted so I decided to go. This guy started talking to me and I thought he was nice, I had seen him in a couple of classes I had. We talked for awhile and he offered me a drink, my number one rule in parties was always to not let anyone touch my drink but for some reason I said yes. I drank it as we kept talking but at some point my vision started to blur and the music seemed very distant." I try to get going but I feel my throat closing up and tears rolling down my eyes.

 " It's fine. You don't have to tell me if you're not ready." Shawn says still holding my hand. He lifts his other hand up to clean my tears but then gives up on doing it. I can see in his face he's scared to trigger me somehow.

 " No, I have to get this out." I say cleaning my own tears and taking a deep breath. " I think I passed out because the next thing I remember I was waking up in this dark room with something heavy on top of me. I was still a little dizzy, probably from the drug he put on my drink, but I could tell it was him. I tried to scream and fight him off but he just put his hand on my throat and continued to force himself on me." I say now fully crying because I've been trying to fight those memories off for so long. " I thought I was going to suffocate until he finally finished, got up and left me there. I don't how long I was there laying on the floor, crying, not being able to move, until one of my friends found me and called the police. I had visible marks on my body, specially on my throat, and after the procedural exams it was pretty clear I was raped. I knew who the guy was, I knew his name, so it was easier to find him. He didn't go to jail though, his dad is a rich politician, so he just got community service. I know he did this before and I know he'll do it again and that makes me so angry. I just couldn't stay there because I was a wreck after it, but specially because he was still there, acting like nothing had ever happened."

 I look up at Shawn and he has tears in his eyes but he doesn't know what to say. I don't really expect him to say anything, I just needed to get this out of my chest.

 " Is it okay if I hug you?" He asks quietly.

 I nod my head so he pulls me in for a hug that express everything he's feeling right now. I can tell he's sad I had to go through this but also proud of how strong I have been this whole time. I can tell as well that he's angry at the guy who did this to me and that he didn't got the punishment he deserved.

 " I'm so sorry this happened to you. I don't even know what else to say because nothing I say will erase what happened. I don't know why shitty things keep happening to good people." He says still holding me tight as I cry on his shirt.