Santana Lopez and the new girl

Part 7- the "kiss"

Breadstix with Santana was okay but it wasn't the same as it usually was. Breadstix was the only real restaurant in Lima, it served nice food and had a lot of regulars, mainly people who go to mckinley. Santana seemed distant for the whole time. I tried to talk about it but she'd just get this look in her eyes that just screamed "please don't mention it." Which made me feel guilty so i just stopped. When the waitress came to take our money Santana tried pay but i just grabbed her hand and told the lady "i got it." With a charming smile. Santana acted pissed off and mumbled something under her breath but i knew she wasn't really thinking about it.
The drive home was pretty much silent and it made me uncomfortable so, as usual, i zoned out. I started to think about the whole day. It had been a really eventful day, lots of ups and downs. I thought about how it had felt being alone in the corridors, without Santana or Tina by my side; compared to being wrapped, sleeping in Santana's arms; and compared to now, the silence, the not-looking-each other in the eyes and the distance. We had been in the car in silence for a while now and i was starting to wonder why we hadn't got to my house yet. I looked out the window and we were starting to enter the rougher parts of Lima. Lima heights.
"Umh Santana?" I asked thoughtfully, not wanting to make a wrong move and upset her. "I think you might have forgotten to drop me off."
She didn't look at me, her facial expressions didn't even change, she just kept looking at the road. "Nope." She said plainly. "We're gonna hang out at mine tonight."
I was shocked, and slightly pissed off. Then i realised she was grieving and i just needed to remind her what the right thing to do was.
"Santana, i don't think that's a good idea, your parents will be upset, you all should be grieving, i think i should give you all some space tonight." I said as calmly as i could. She was being unreasonable now. She wasn't thinking. We stopped at a red light, now she looked at me straight in the eye.
"My grandad just died. I want you at my house, i need a friend right now, and ive chosen you as that friend. You are the only person i want around me right now. You're coming to my house." She said, her expression still blank, but her eyes gave away everything that she was feeling: sad, alone, and in need of a friend. The lights were on amber now. "End of story." Green, and her eyes were on the road again, her expression back to blank.
"Okay" i said, nodding slightly. "I'll come to your house, do you want me to stay over?"
"Only if my parents agree. Would you be aloud?" She asked, but she said it with no enthusiasm.
"Sure, i'll text my mom now."
"Thank you." She said, this time i could hear in her voice that she was grateful. I texted my mom and i received a "whatever" pretty quickly.
We arrived at her house, and the car that was usually parked in front of the house was gone.
"I guess they didn't wanna wait for me to get home and see how i was feeling about this then." She said, a little pissed off. She got out of the car before i could say anything. I got out of the car and followed her into the house and up into her room. We were alone-alone now, so i took that chance to talk to her. She stood beside her bed with her left hand over her temple, rubbing it slightly. I walked towards her and grabbed her wrists. "Santana," i said softly. "We're alone now. You can talk about it."
"I don't want to talk about it! I just want to forget about it okay? Is that too much to ask?" I had angered her a little, but i just reached up and moved her chin slightly upwards so that she was looking into my eyes.
"No, i totally get it, i felt exactly the same when my dad left. But in the end it just felt so much better to just talk about it and have a little cry."
She looked at me but nothing showed on her face. "I don't want to talk about it okay? Are we done here?"
"Okay. Fine." I said, giving up. "Do you wanna watch a movie or something?"
"Sure." She said with a shrug. "After this."
"After what?" I asked confused.
"This." She said as she grabbed my waist and pulled me towards her. Her lips were on mine, kissing me in a frenzy. For a second i was shocked, but then i caught up, grabbed her neck and started to kiss her back. My heart was beating at 100mph, i couldn't believe what was happening. She now had me pinned against the wall and was kissing me harder. I felt her hand move downwards from my neck to my waist. I felt her hand graze my skin as her hands found their way under my shirt. I pulled away, not sure if she really wanted this. "You don't want to do this." I said, i little out of breath.
But all she said was "sshhh" and put one finger to my lips, before swiftly continuing with the kiss. It went on for about another two minutes until we caught up were we left off. Her hand was once again at my waist, under my shirt, only this time she got to lift it off of my head. I felt her hands, warm against my bare back. In this moment i didn't even worry about my scars, what was there to worry about? She'd seen them all anyway. Before i knew it my hands were at her waist and were pulling her cheerios shirt over her head. She twisted me around and backwards, onto the bed. I felt her lips travel from my lips, to my neck. I couldn't help but moan slightly, i grabbed one of her shoulder blades with my hand and looped my legs around hers. I held onto her back tighter as her lips moved to my shoulder and my hands raked slightly over her skin. A moan escaped her lips as she put her lips to mine again. Everything was intensifying and the butterflies in my stomach were growing. My hand moved to her leg and now she was on top of me, her legs straddling my hips. I felt a hand on my thy as she was ripped my tights slightly. I let her move down my body and soon she was kneeling on the ground with my legs straddled around her neck. There was no going back now.

It felt good. It felt sooo good, but i also knew this was probably going to be a bad thing for me. All the thoughts that i had been pushing down for as long as i could remember had all come back up. What was i doing? I was thinking all of this as i was kneeling on Santana's floor, with her bare legs around my neck, clothes littering the floor, and Santana's moans filling the air. I felt her hand move to my head as she leaned forwards slightly, as a final moan escaped her lips.

We didn't say a word to each other after, she just asked me if i wanted a shower so i said yes, so she said i could go in first. I got into the bathroom, shut the door and got undressed. I turned the shower on and the warm water was comforting and familiar on my skin. I was stood there for about five minutes before i actually realised what had happened. There was no going back now. No hiding. This was it. What had i done? I had just been so caught up in the moment, and my feelings had taken over me. Before i knew it my fist was colliding with the wall in a rage, and tears were falling down my cheeks, but it was hard to tell since i was in the shower.
The door cracked open slightly. "Are you okay? Did you fall?" She asked me, clearly she had heard my fist connect with the wall.
"Im fine." I replied back bluntly. "I dropped the shampoo."
"Okay." She said and closed the door.
My feelings were taking over my whole body. I had to end this before anything bigger started. It was the only way.