Always been you//Jolex

Chapter 7

Alex was right. I feel much better once I've showered and had something to eat. Or maybe I'm still overjoyed from what we decided. Apparently he had been thinking about it long before I was, and he was just waiting for me to say something.
Once we are back at the hospital, Alex has to check on another patient, but I head straight to Sadie's room.
She smiles when she sees me, lighting up my day, but she already looks like she's gotten worse in the few hours I've been gone. She's really pale and is obviously having trouble breathing, so I pull the oxygen mask over her face.
"How about we go for a walk and get some fresh air? I bet your sick of this bed." I say. She nods, and I help her put on a grey pullover sweatshirt over her gown and attach her IV and oxygen to a wheelchair before helping her into it.
I wheel her into the elevator, down the stairs, and outside. We go down the path to where there's a bench for patients under a tree on the side of the hospital, and then I lock wheels of the chair beside the bench, sitting on it beside her.
"Your last name is Karev, like my other doctor. Are you married to Doctor Alex?"
I let out a soft chuckle, before replying, "Yes, I am."
"Is doctor Alex my dad?" She says, curiously.
I let out a soft sigh, imagining what could have been.
"No, you were born before I met doctor Alex." I say, hoping she doesn't ask about her dad. And to my relief, she doesn't. Instead, she asks for something to eat and I bring her to the cafeteria.
"Okay," I say, entering the busy room. "What would you like?" I ask.
"Can I please have a muffin? And an apple?" She says shyly.
"Of course. Anything else?" I say.
"No, that's all."
I push the wheelchair over to an empty table where we can sit, and I spot Meredith across the room.
"One second, I'm going to get your food, okay?"
She nods, and I walk to the self serve pastry station and grab a muffin for her and a bagel for me, and an apple, paying quickly before Mer approaches me at the cash register.
"What's up?" She says, as I hand the lady my card.
"I'm just with...a patient."
"Exactly. Why?"
"She's my daughter." I say, quickly as I take my card back from the cashier.
"Oh my god! You have a daughter?"
"Yeah."
I walk away with the tray of food without having looked up once. Even so, I can nearly feel Mer watching me with shocked eyes as I approach the table. I give her the food and a bottle of water, and we eat quietly for a little while. She finishes her food and I bring her back to her room to rest.
In the morning, I sit and talk to her for a while, but she's so sick that she can barely reply. Soon enough, Alex comes in with Maggie and some of the interns to round.
"Helm, present." Alex says.
"Sadie Wilson, 7 years old, was admitted with difficulty breathing and chest pains. Tests revealed the patient was in heart failure, and she was put on the transplant list. We inserted an LVAD yesterday to give her more time, and she is currently at the top of the list."
"Very good." Maggie says. But the smile quickly turns to worry. "I'm afraid the latest labs revealed she is deteriorating rapidly, but UNOS still doesn't have a match. How's your breathing today, Sadie?" She asks, taking notes on her tablet.
"It's still hard to breathe. It feels like someone is pressing on my chest." She replies.
That's definitely not a good sign. I could tell before she wasn't getting better, but I had hoped she wasn't getting worse. Alex looked at me sympathetically. The social worker, Chelsea, joins a second later, and they continue to talk about her course of treatment. I tune out and focus on Sadie, since nobody is talking to her, only about her.
"They're saying that your getting sicker, so we need to get your new heart really soon. They're all working hard to find a match, and then we can fix you up, okay?"
"What if they don't find a match soon?" She replies.
"Let's not worry about that just yet."
Before leaving, Alex gives me a kiss.
" I rearranged my schedule so I could stay with you guys today. I'll be back when we finish rounds." I nod and smile before moving my attention back to Sadie.
"Jo." She says weakly. "I'm really tired." She says.
"I know sweetie. Here, hold on." I say, before getting up from the chair and laying beside her in the bed. I hold her and let her rest her head on my chest. She closes her eyes, and I stroke her hair and rub her back the way Alex does to me when I'm upset. She falls asleep on me, and I watch her chest rise and fall weakly, and not nearly as often as it should.
Alex walks in a moment later and smiles when he sees us laying together.
"Alex, She's not going to last much longer without a heart." I say quietly, not wanting to wake her.
"I know, baby." He says. He pulls up the chair I sat in before and sits beside us, grabbing my free hand that's not holding her. I try not to cry, but her sats are dropping by the minute. She's barely breathing, and I've never felt so helpless in my life as I hold my dying daughter in my arms.
I stroke her hair, and Alex strokes mine, as a single tear runs down my face. I quickly wipe it away before Alex notices, knowing it would make him feel even worse.
Suddenly, Maggie bursts through the door.
"We have a heart!"