Always been you//Jolex

Chapter 8

Alex jumps to his feet, immediately springing into action.
"Oh my god, are you serious?" I say, and Maggie smiles.
"I just got off the phone with UNOS to confirm it myself. We just sent out a recovery team and it should be here within the hour, so it's time to take her to the OR."
"Jo, what's happening?" She says as she comes out of her rest, her head still on my chest.
"Your getting a new heart, baby!"
She smiles weakly, and I swing my legs off the bed before lowering her head onto the pillow slowly. Alex unlock the wheels and begins to roll the gurney towards the elevator. I rush behind them, holding her limp hand as we hurry to get her upstairs.
We reach the line and Alex gives me a look, because he doesn't want to actually say it.
"I know. This is my stop."
I bend down to give her a kiss on her forehead before whispering: "It's time baby. You have to be strong for just a little while longer. Just a little more fight, and then we'll be happy. We'll be so, so happy. Promise me you'll fight?"
She nods, and just like that they whisk her through the doors beyond the point where I can help.
I walk towards the ER, knowing I can't feel this useless again. Trembling at the thought of losing her, I approach the nurses station and ask if there's incoming, but nothing. No one in the pit needs a general consult, and I'm forced to focus on the waiting.
Sitting down in a cushioned chair, I stare at the magazines on the table and the pictures on the wall meant to comfort the patients families. Whoever thought that would be enough has obviously never had to sit in a waiting room.
About 20 minutes go by I'm so out of it that it takes me a moment to realize Mer is sitting next to me, holding my hand.
"Hey, I just heard. Everything is going to go fine, just breathe." She says, but it does little to comfort me. "Try and take your mind off of it for right now. Tell me about her. How did I not know you had a kid?"
"I just never told anyone. I left that whole life behind, her and Paul and...Brooke." I say with a sigh. We stay quiet for a while, and I can barely feel time pass. It all feels like a second, yet an eternity. I feel like this feeling will never end, but at the same time it's just become. This feeling that I struggle to put a name to-
Parenthood.
"Jo, the best thing you can do for her right now is take care of yourself. Alex has got this, and Maggie- but she has enough doctors. when she's awake, she's gonna need her mom. Take a deep breath."
"I just...feel like I should be doing more to help."
"Jo, you know there's nothing you can do. There's ru-"
"Like hell there's nothing I can do. I'm a freaking doctor!" I say standing up and walking towards the gallery.
I hear Meredith call my name but I have little regards for anything other than Sadie. I continue down the hall, using my badge to get me through the staff only door, and proceeding to the gallery a moment later. As I walk in, I see the flatline on her monitor. Damn it!
I collapse to below the viewing window, by back to the wall and my head in my hands. Alex must've seen me walk in, because I can hear him say:
"Crap. What the hell is she doing?" A pause. "Is the intercom on? Jo? Jo, can you hear me? You shouldn't be up there."
I ignore what he's saying which may cause an argument later, but I'm not exactly worried about that right now. I gather myself enough to move from the floor to a chair.
"We've got a rhythm," Maggie says, and finally I can breathe.
"Pierce, you good to close without me?" Alex asks. She nods in response and he exits the OR and scrubs out, joining me in the gallery a second later. He sits beside me and wraps both arms around me, and he just holds me quietly while I sob onto his shoulder.