The Scars of Six

14. Suicidal

Listen to You Are A Memory by Message To Bears

Listen to Sorrow by Sleeping At Last

**

**

Denalis POV

It had been two weeks since the death of my mother.

Two weeks since she had committed suicide.

Two weeks of hell .

Two weeks.

The image of finding my mother in her bathroom tub was as clear as the light of day but just as dark and gory. The image was something I could never live down, it was embedded in my brain forever. I remembered everything perfectly, I remembered it all.

The day my uncle and I found my mother all I did was stand there in utter shock just as I had the day I found her with my grandmothers lifeless corpse. My feet were nailed to the wooden floor beneath us, unable to move, unable to breathe or tear my gaze away from her. The room was spinning around me and all I could do was shed a few tears as my eyes burned from not blinking. It wasn't until several minutes after, that I started to snap back into reality, realizing the woman in the tub was no longer here — no longer suffering. It was after that realization that all of the memories I once shared with her came rushing back into my brain like a cannonball as well as those memories I would never be able to create with her.

My mother was no longer here. She had been long gone since that afternoon many years ago, but she was no longer physically here. She would never be able to see me graduate high school or college or graduate school. She wouldn't be able to lecture me about my bad habits or decisions, she would not be there to witness my first heartbreak or to tell me that everything would be alright. She would no longer be present for me to introduce her to my first boyfriend or the many that came after, she would no longer be there to presence my terrible love life or to give me advice on it. She wouldn't be here for the late nights for when I had to study myself to sleep or to witness me finishing my dissertation for graduate school. She wouldn't be here anymore when I finally found the one, when I'd be walking down the aisle in a beautiful white gown that she would have helped me pick. She wouldn't be here to see her grandchildren or her grandchildren's children.

She would no longer be here for me.

I couldn't breathe, suddenly the air in my lungs not being enough to keep me grounded. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't fathom the idea of the image in front of me and neither could my uncle who sat beside me, knees to his chest as he drowned in a pool of his own tears. It seemed like hours had passed by until I started to shuffle my feet towards my mother's body, unable to comprehend this nightmare. It was in that moment when I held my mother's paled and bloodied corpse against mine that I burst into a heave of my own tears.

"Why'd you have to leave me!" I yelled.

"Why!" I whispered as I held onto her cold body tightly.

"Denali no, c'mon. We have to call the authorities, please c'mon." My uncle begged as he pried me off of my mom while I clinged to her body in my arms.

"Let's go Denali..." My uncle demanded barely above a whisper as he mustered up the courage to compose himself at the sight of witnessing his sisters cold and empty body.

I shook my head frantically not wanting to let go of my mother, "No! My mother needs me!" I sobbed, "She needs me!"

I watched as my uncle gave up and proceeded to call an ambulance and the cops as he tried to contain his own tears but failed miserably. Meanwhile I cradled my mother in my arms, praying that she'd come back to us, that she'd just be sleeping or that I was stuck in a terrible nightmare from which I would wake up from anytime soon.