Strawberry Blonde

四十五

Emerging from the hospital still feeling slightly groggy the warm air and dim sun welcomed me.

" BOO !" A loud voice clapped next to my ear.

I swiveled back and Laurence was standing tall behind me.
" Your parents gave me a heads up I get to take you home." He said.

He was shyly looking at the floor beside me and not at me like usual.

" Laurence you know I'm not mad at you right ?" I said with a giggle of disbelief.

" You're not !?"

" Why would I be ? It's not your fault this happened okay ? Don't beat yourself up about it."

I leaned forward to kiss him but he pulled back looking around anxiously.

" Oh...right." I said reluctantly.

" I'm sorry it's just-

" No it's okay I understand !" I cut off.

It was true I did understand but it's the 'why' that trips me up. Why am I so ready to have an epic cliché romance and he's not ? Why does this feel so normal to me even though he's the first guy I've ever loved ?

I've experienced the people in this town so I know they aren't the best demographic to truly be myself around but why did I not care ?

" Are you sure you're not mad at me ?" He asked holding his arm.

" Can we talk in the car ?" I questioned.

He nodded his head and walked ahead of me as I followed.

I meant it, I wasn't upset at him but I was upset at the world.

For so long I had no clue who I was. Just small guesses and dead ends but now I know who I am and what I really want and when it's all right in front of me I have to hide it again. Could be post coma rage but I felt really aggravated and tense.

I closed the door to the car and fastened my seatbelt.

" Isn't this your brother's car ?" I asked.

He nodded without saying a word.

" Oh, wait when did you learn how to drive ?" I questioned.

" I been practicing since Friday night so I could come see you in the hospital, it's actually not as complicated as it seems ! It's no video game but it's pretty simple." He said.

I couldn't help but to smile as the bubbly warmth grew in my chest.

As he pulled away from the hospital he put on the radio and proceeded slowly into the bumpy roads.

" Laurence when do you think you'll be ready ?"

He stayed silent.

" Laurence....I think I really do love you, but if you keep ignoring me I'm seriously going to fuck up your perfectly calm composure." I said sarcastically.

" OKAY !" He snapped.

He pulled the car over quickly on a quiet street.

" Hassan when I seen you fall and become unresponsive on Friday I experienced something I've never felt before. That kind of fear is something that gave me nightmares for the past few days and honestly, it made me want to be more reserved. This town is pretty homophobic as is, I could care less about my safety but it's yours I'm worried about. Believe it or not this feels right for me, this feels like everything I've been missing and maybe it all happened fast but I don't want this to ever end."