Always & Forever

Chapter 8

          "Wow, Foster, calm down. Grady and Edaline are fine. We caught Fitz before he could do anything." Keefe grabs my hands not realizing that I didn't have my gloves on.

          I gasp as I get pulled inside my own head. I hear Keefe say something and he jerks his hand away. Keefe's face is right in front of mine when I come back to my senses. I see tear stains on his cheeks and when he sees me looking at him, he kisses me roughly. It wasn't like any of our other kisses. It was sending a message of how sorry he was.

          "Keefe," I say once we pull apart.

          Keefe puts a finger to my lips and pulls me into a hug.

          "Sophie, I'm so sorry. I should've been more careful. I should've-" I stopped him with a kiss. 

          "Keefe, you need to stop right there. I should've had my gloves on. You did nothing wrong."

          Keefe smiles and I try to sneak off the bed but Keefe catches me and pushes my back on the bed.

          "Oh nope. You're not getting off this bed."

          "But... what if I have to use the bathroom?" Keefe rolls his eyes and laughs.

          "I know you're not trying to get to the bathroom. I'm an empath, remember?" Keefe says "And you're not supposed to leave your bed."

          "But I need to make sure Grady and Edaline are okay."

          "Sophie, they are fine. The Black Swan has hidden them with Wylie and his father. They told me to tell you not to worry," Keefe said. "But you might want to worry about when you have to search Fitz's mind."

          "Wait, what? Why do I have to search Fitz's mind? Why can't Forkel do it?"

          "Because I don't know Fitz's mind as well as you do," Forkel says walking into the room.

          "Yeah, but he can get into her head and I don't think you want him to know what we're planning," Keefe says giving Forkel a pointed look.

          "What are you guys planning?" I ask.

          "Nevermind, we have nothing to worry about," Keefe says looking away.

          "Keefe," I say pleading, "Please tell me what you guys are planning. You know how crazy my imagination is, and right now I'm thinking of the worst."

          "Miss Foster, you have nothing to worry about," Mr. Forkel says, but I'm not listening to him. 

          Keefe, what are you going to do?  

          His mind goes silent for a second before he finally answers,

          Sophie, I can't tell you. You'd hate me.

          Keefe, I could never hate you. But you're really scaring me right now. Do you have any clue what I'm imagining? I'm afraid that you're going to go after your mom by yourself. Keefe, don't go after her without me.

          I pleading now. I look up at him and I see, fear.

          Sophie, I'm going after my mom and don't try to stop me. I'm not letting her hurt you. Not anymore. And I'm not letting you come with me either. So don't try.

          Keefe, you need to stop worrying about me. I can take care of myself. But, if you're worried about me, imagine what I'd do if I woke up one morning to the news that you went after your mom and got hurt, or worse, killed.

          Sophie, I don't care what happens to me. But if you came with me and they got a hold of you, I'd never be able to forgive myself.

          I'll never be able to forgive myself if someone else died because the Neverseen wants to hurt me. Do you want to know what I'd do if the Neverseen hurt another one of my friends? I'd go straight to them and hand myself over. 

          Have you actually thought of doing that before?

          Yes Keefe, I have. Like the time when you went to live with them, when Biana was almost killed by Vespera, when they took Tam, and when they killed Kenric. Keefe, I've thought about it multiple times.

          Sophie, why though?

          Because I dragged you all into this, and if the Neverseen is coming after me and you all get hurt. Then it's my fault.

          Sophie, we made our choice and that choice was to stand by your side no matter what. You need to stop feeling guilty for everything that has happened to us. What if that's what the Neverseen want? For you to break because of guilt. What do we do when our leader isn't with us anymore? What do you think my mom would when you broke? I know what she'd do. She'd come to us and tell us that working with her is the only way to save you.

          Keefe's mind wandered to another question, What would I do without you? 

          Keefe, I know what you guys would do without me. You would move on and find a new leader. You would eventually forget about me. You would finish this war without my help. You would live a happy life.

          We would never forget about you, Sophie. We wouldn't move on, and we wouldn't finish this war. Sophie, you're the only reason we joined the Black Swan. Without you, we wouldn't have a reason to be in the Black Swan.

          Keefe, you guys don't need me. From what I've seen, you guys are better off without me. I'm the one who always says that something is too dangerous or you guys shouldn't do this. You all make the best calls and I just follow along. If I had my way, none of you would be fighting this war. None of you would get hurt, none of you...

          My mind drifts to all the times my friends and family got hurt. All the times the Neverseen had said, "This is your fault." All the times I've failed. My mind drifts to Fitz and I wonder, What did I do wrong? What did I do to cause him to join the Neverseen? But every time, I come up with no real answer. The Neverseen are right, this is my fault. They won't stop hurting those I love until I stop trying to fight them. But I'm too selfish to stop. My friends and family will keep getting hurt and it will be my fault.

          Sophie this is not your fault! Stop thinking like that! Please, Sophie, stop!

          I snap back to the real world and realize that Keefe heard everything I just thought.

          I know what you'd do without me, Keefe. You'd find someone who deserves you, who won't always put you in danger and you will love them. You'll love them with all your heart. And I watch from wherever I go after I die. You'll be happy and you'll have a family. You will forget about me and this silly war.

          I look up to see Keefe crying. 

          Sophie, I could never love anyone more than I love you. You're everything to me. And when you talk about you being dead, all I think about is how broken I would feel. How lost I would be, how... empty I would feel. Sophie, I'll never want to be with anyone but you and you do deserve me, heck, I don't deserve you. And you're scaring me with all the guilt you're throwing at me. You have nothing to be guilty of, you're perfect and you're important to everyone.

          I'm crying now, and I throw my arms around Keefe and stay there for as long as I can. Not wanting to let go, even though Forkel is standing in the doorway, with tears pooling in his eyes. I don't want to let go of the one person who I know will always be the one who keeps me together. The one that I'll spend the rest of my life with, whether that be a long life or a short one, he'll always be the one for me.