Best friends.. Forever?

D-Day

I won't be able to do it. Not today. I can't pretend that nothing's wrong when everything seems to be out of place. How can he not be here?
Why did he have to leave?
Would it ever get easier? Would my life ever be normal.
How could I even think of it. Nothing is ever going to be normal without him.
I struggle with my thoughts and I decide to stay home today. I can't face people today. I need to stay by myself in case I lose control.
Four years is a long time. And what's to say that it's going to get better now. If I haven't been able to cope with it since then, what is another year of misery going to do?
I've wanted to do so many things but I haven't had the heart to.
I've liked Aaron for quite some time now, but I'm scared to open up to him. I don't want to lose him too.
My thoughts are disrupted by my phone. I stretch and answer.
"Hello"
"WHERE ARE YOU"
"Jenn, give it a rest, I'm staying home today"
"Sam, do you think that's for the best?"
"Yes Jenn, I'll be fine"
"Okay, take care and if you need anything, please call me. Love you"
I hang up and go back to my thoughts.
I see Aaron's smile and I can't help but smile myself.
"Why are you stopping yourself"
He's here. I can't believe my eyes.
Leaning against the doorframe in his signature black leather jacket is the reason for my questionable behavior at this time of the year.
"It's easy for you to say" I snicker.
"Easy being dead?"
His words pinch my heart and tears roll down my cheeks.
"Don't say that Ham"
"You've got to accept the truth Sam, till when are you going to hold onto me. You've stopped living your life. Stopped doing the things you loved—"
"We loved, Ham."
"Yeah we did. I don't want to be a memory that brings tears to your eyes or makes you sad."
I cry more.
"I want you to do all those things and smile. We always had a good time together. Remember that when you remember me and smile."
"It's not that easy. I wish you were here all the time."
"I do to. But we both have to go on. You with your life and me with my what's the word— afterlife. I'll always look out for you Sam but please don't stop yourself from living and growing. Aaron is an amazing person, you should give him a chance. I see that he cares for you."
"I don't want you to think that I'm replacing you"
"I would never think that Sam. I love you. I want what's best for you."
" I miss you. So much."
"And I miss you more. Please go on and live you life. And smile more, Ive missed that smile of yours and I'm sure so have Chris, Jen and Chloe."
"I love you" I whisper and with that he's gone.
I head to the shower with a smile on my face.