What Is and What Should Never Be | Sirius Black

15. The House of Loyalty

MY LOYALTY is placed with Deborah the first night of first year, when she informs Jiaying, Iman, and I that we'll be roommates for the next seven years.

If I had an ounce of Gryffindor in me, I would have called her out when she started ignoring Iman. Remus, while I still can't understand it, is in a different house, so I put up with it as best as I can because she is my friend. But when family belief has Iman confiding that they might not approve of our friendship, Debbie takes that as disloyalty.

And when Sirius Black finally tells her that she's a sweet girl, but he's not interested in her that way, she takes it as my own disloyalty.

I let my feelings for him cloud with jealousy and abuse my friendship with him to tell him to break it off.

In a way, she's right - I do tell him to stop - and I am jealous. But not once does it cross her mind to think that Sirius Black is truly not interested in her. Not once does she remember how far I go for my friends and how much I care for them, how uncomfortable it was for me, and yet I still did what she asked. I didn't want her in a relationship with someone who wasn't fully committed to her, but she doesn't want to hear it.

And with that we're no longer friends.

Hufflepuff break ups are harsh. The bond of us is not easily broken, and when it is, you can expect to turn to your housemates for a shoulder to cry on - but Helga knows the neutrality of us all will drive you mad. Every side must be heard if someone were to utter a word, so we usually just suffer in silence, refusing to burden the others with poisonous thoughts of a housemate.

Not wanting to compromise the impartiality of my roommates - or say something distasteful in my anger, because they are still Debbie's friends - I grab Sirius's jacket from my bed (which I forgot to give back) as an excuse to go see Remus in his dorm. My plan is to chill there for a couple hours to get my mind off of it, but as soon as the door swings open in front of me, I find my lip quivering in anger and hurt, and my arms going around the waist of the my greeter.

"Er, Moony." James' chest vibrates as he speaks. "Think it's for you, mate."

I'm pried off of James by his hands and I throw myself onto Remus, limbs clutching onto him in an instant, and my face pressing into his shirt with frustrated tears threatening to spill.

"Jeez, what's up?" He asks but his arms still go around to comfort me.

"Debbie and I are through." I mumble into him.

"Oh." He says and his hand starts smoothing down my hair. "What's happened?"

"Sirius Black happened." I spit bitterly and throw his jacket far away from me.

"Well, I reckon he's a Doofus, what'd he do?" Remus coos and I hear an offended, 'hey!'. I forgot Sirius might be in the dorm, but I ignore him.

I lift my head to look up at Remus with a pouted frown.

"She thinks that I sabotaged them." My chin rests on his chest and Remus shakes his head.

"She's over reacting," he says, then raises an eyebrow, "unless?"

"No." I state and furrow my eyebrows at him. "I didn't sabotage them. I just didn't want to see her hurt."

"This is all my fault." Sirius says from his bed and I place my face back in Remus' shirt.

"No, it's Debbie's." I hear the dislike in his voice. "She's a nightmare."

I pull back from him and step away with a shocked look on my face.

"Hey!" I say but don't know why I'm defending her.

Remus stands his ground.

"I'm sorry, but it's true." He crosses his arms and suddenly I want to leave.