What Is and What Should Never Be | Sirius Black

14. A Very Valentines View

VALENTINES DAY falls on a Monday this year, so the weekend before is reserved for the couples that want to go on a date. The Monday, however, is when all the sweets and valentines cards are given. My Valentines this year happens to be James, because I don't ask Debbie (for obvious reasons), and Remus agrees to be Peter's after he finds out Susanne isn't as interested with him as she is with Sirius. That leaves the two of us, so I ask him with a box of fudge and a smile after he's rejected by Evans, and he's surprised, but very content.

David, being the sweetheart he is, brings my roommates and I flowers, and I get a few other pieces of chocolate from random people (a lot of my housemates, too, Hufflepuff takes Valentine's Day very seriously), which I defer to Remus and others. I keep the other sweets, though, and go on about my day.

But no one - I mean no one - gets as many valentines as Sirius Black. I always thought he was aware of his admirers, if only for the shear amount of gifts he gets for Valentine's Day. And as I see him at the next table, sharing the sweets and other presents with his friends, I notice that he is aware, he just doesn't care.

And I notice that the mountain of admiration he gets doesn't bother me, only when I think of it being Debbie does my stomach knot and I find myself heading to class much earlier than necessary.

In Charms, I tell Remus that for her birthday, my sister wants him to visit, and he says that he sent her a magic colouring book where the creatures come out and dance, and hopes that will suffice until Easter break. I laugh at the thought of my muggle stepmother seeing that for the first time.

He tells me our families are spending Easter at his house this year. I love Remus' house, if only for the fact that his parents live in Wales. It's name is like the animal! I thought that was so cool when I found out that's what the country is called in English, and still do. I also love Remus' family.

At the end of the day I change out of my uniform and  go to hang out in one of the giant bean bag chairs with Iman and Jane in the common room. We're chilling with some of the other 6th years, talking and watching everyone around us give and receive cards, flowers and sweets, when Debbie walks up to us.

"How's it?" She directs to everyone.

Her eyes skip over me.

"It's casual." Jane answers. "How's your Valentines going?"

Debbie shrugs and asks Ewa for a smoke. The girl obliges and pulls out her carton.

"Got some sweets and stuff." Debbie holds up the cards in her hands to show us while she takes a cigarette.

"Anybody good?" Henry prompts and Debbie ignores.

She then turns to me and goes,

"I'd ask if you fancy a smoke, but looks like you're busy."

I shake my head, and am in the process of saying I have time, and my pack is already in my pocket, but Debbie turns in the middle of my sentence and walks away as if I never uttered a word. I freeze, unfinished phrases still hanging off my lips.

My eyes can't help but look around in confusion and embarrassment. Jane, Iman, Henry, Jude - even the younger years that are sitting near us - they all give me looks of varying sympathy.

"Seems like Jane's the last tie." Iman mumbles with pity, and I pretend like I don't hear, but my face heats up furiously.

My feet are on the floor in a second, Jane and Iman sinking further into the bean bag from my lack of weight, and I, too, walk out the common room, muttering something in a language they can't understand.

I carry myself all the way to the Gryffindor common room, greet the Lady and wait for someone of the house to walk by. I hide my cigarettes behind my back because I don't know her stance on smoking, when a fifth year Gryffindor boy comes along.