The Suicide List

Nighttime came, and we stopped by the side of the road.

We finally brought Kayleigh with us. And we all decided to return home. As we traveled, Kayleigh and Stella talked for hours. It was an emotional topic that they shared. Afterwards, Ferdinand lighted up the mood, causing all of us to laugh along the trip. Ferdinand was the happiest with the relationship we have with Kayleigh. Of course, I told him the story of how it began. And I swear, Ferdinand was teasing me nonstop.

As we stopped by the side of the road, we all ate dinner that we bought along the way, and we looked at the stars for an hour, holding Kayleigh close as Ferdinand and I jammed along in the night, celebrating Kayleigh's birthday.

Late night when Stella was in the back seat and Ferdinand was in the passenger seat, asleep. The only ones awake were me and Kayleigh, and we were outside the car, Kayleigh sitting on the hood and me standing in between her legs. I then wrapped the blanket around Kayleigh to keep her warm and I let her wear the necklace I bought for her from the Woods' Night and she smiled. Sooner, she spaced out.

"You okay?" I asked, snapping her out of her thoughts.

She smiled, "Yeah."

Then it was silent. Moments later, she took my hand and intertwined it with hers. We then looked at each other.

"Sebastian, I just want you to know that no matter what happens, I love you."

"Woah." I giggled, "You tell me that like I'm going to lose you."

"You're not losing me stupid." She giggled.

"I know. It's just a joke."

"I just... I love you Sebastian. I really do."

"I know." I smiled.

She then kissed me and brought her arms around my neck. I then held her waist and pulled her close to me. Moments later, she wrapped her legs around my waist and we started giggling as we pulled away.

"We both know we can't make love here Kay."

She laughed, "I know. I just wanna show how much I really love you."

"You don't have to show me Kay. I get it."

She then hugged me tight and I hugged her back, hearing her sigh.

"Kay?"

"I miss you Sebastian." She muffled.

"I miss you too Kayleigh."

We then pulled away after a long moment of hugs and she smiled, "Sleep with me?"

"Okay. Where?"

"Just here. We'll watch the stars."

"Okay." I smiled back and we both lied down on the hood of the car, Kayleigh's head on my chest, me cuddling her, us watching the stars.

I took a breath and breathe out. A month ago, I thought I lost her. I thought my chance at true love may be too late. Kayleigh was not with me, and it felt wrong. It felt crazy. But now, she's back to me again, in my arms, under the stars. There was nothing I want more in that moment than just be in one place with her. And for me, that was enough.

"Sebastian?"

"Hmm?"

She looked at me, with tears about to go out from her eyes, "I love you. I'll always love you."

My eyebrows etched in confusion as to what she's being lately, but I still smiled and kissed her forehead, "I love you too Kayleigh. More than you ever know."

And just like that, we slept.

The next day, I woke up with Stella waking me up.

"Sebastian." She said, "Let's go."

I then rubbed my eyes and saw that I was tucked in a blanket but Kayleigh was no longer beside me.

"Where's Kayleigh?"

"Sebastian-"

I then looked at Ferdinand, "Yo mate, where's Kayleigh?"

"Sebastian." Stella said. I then turned to her and she gave me a letter, "This was beside you when I woke up."

I then opened the letter and read Kayleigh's letter:

Sebastian,

If you're reading this, I bet you're confused as fuck and have a lot of questions as to where I am at the moment. But no, I did not kill myself. I can't kill myself knowing that I'll lose you. So, I decided to leave for Upstate County instead and figure out more beautiful things on my own.

I know you're planning to follow me. But don't. Go home Sebastian. Go home and figure beautiful things on your own too. I know you'll say that we should do this together but we can't love each other if we haven't figured out ourselves yet. We need this. We both deserve to heal from our past and give life another shot. You taught me that Sebastian. You showed me the most beautiful things when I thought the world was so miserable and depressing. You gave colors in my life. And that is something I'll never forget. That is the biggest reason why I have and always will love you.

Sebastian, I didn't mean to do this, but I have to. I need to grow and start again and so do you Sebastian. Now do me a favor: fulfill your dreams. Be who you want to be. Don't let your life be dictated by people, instead, let the choices be made by you and only you. Live your life the way you want it to be. And finally, love. Love people Sebastian. Value the people who have always been there for you, most especially your granna.

You're the love of my life Sebastian. You've always been. I'll never stop loving you and I'm always grateful that I loved you and you came in my life. Know that I'll wait for you. I promise, when the time is right, when we finally fixed our lives and made things right, I'll find you. And I'll make sure this is the last time I'll leave you. When I'll find you, I'll stay. And we'll make our future together, just like what you wanted. I love you and I always will love you.

With love,

Kayleigh

"She wants you to know that she loves you so much." Ferdinand said as he gave me a necklace that Kayleigh bought for me.

But I didn't cry, nor got mad at Ferdinand for not stopping her. I fully understand her. After all, she's always been selfless. She gave her all to me. It's about time she learns to love herself. And it's about time for me to love myself. She gave me time to heal myself, and that's just the proof of how much she loves me. She left me so she could love me. And I'll wait for her so I could love her back.

I smiled, keeping a promise to myself to wait for her. To wait until the right time comes. To wait until we meet again. To wait until she finally stay with me for a long time.

"Yeah. I know she does. Let's go home." I said as I wore her necklace.