Isn't it love || Reddie oneshots

I wish I knew

Modern day AU
Trigger warning; panic attack

No one had heard from Richie in days and the losers were extremely worried, he wasn't answering his phone to any of them not even his boyfriend, this wasn't like Richie. Normally Richie would always message and be up for hanging out with the losers whenever the chance arose but he had been oddly distance as of late, it was concerning.

"I think I'm going to head around to Richie's," Eddie piped up as he looked at the unread messages he had sent, the losers simply nodded knowing that Eddie was the most worried out of the lot being Richie's boyfriend, he gave his friends a half smile at their understanding looks. "Just keep us updated on how the trashmouth is doing," Beverly commented as she stayed nuzzled into Ben's arms. Bill, Mike and Stan all made a noise of agreement. "Of course."

It didn't take long for Eddie to reach Richie's house and he realised both cars were gone signalling that the trashmouth's parents were out so the hypochondriac crossed his fingers and simply hoped that Richie was still in and not out them. He rang the doorbell for approximately three seconds and took a step back from the door. His question of whether Richie was out with his parents or not was answered as he heard shuffling and a croaky voice yell out, "Hold on! I'll be right there!" Eddie let out a sigh of relief glad that Richie was in but his mood changed when he saw the state of the boy who opened the door. Richie's face was tear stained and he had rather large eye bags, it looked like he hadn't slept well in days, his face dropped when he saw his boyfriend in the doorway. "Oh, Eds, hey," He greeted awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. "We need to talk," Eddie stated as he looked Richie up and down, he saw that all his boyfriend was wearing was a dirty t-shirt and a pair of boxers but he didn't like that phase him, he raised an eyebrow at the trashmouth eventually causing the other boy to move aside and let Eddie inside.

The two sat across from each other on the sofa and an awkward silence commenced for about ten minutes before Eddie cleared his throat and started speaking realising that his boyfriend wasn't going to be the one to speak up first, "Rich, what's going on? We're all worried about you and you look fucking disgusting right now," He didn't bother wording it in a nice way, he let his anger at being ignored take over. "I never meant to worry anyway one, Eds, I...I..." Richie had never acted like this before and it was worrying the hypochondriac because normally his boyfriend was so out-spoken and it was one of the many things he loved about him but Richie seemed almost scared when he was speaking to Eddie. The hypochondriac reached over and took Richie's hand, gently and lovingly squeezing it, "You know you can tell me anything, me and the losers will love you no matter what, but please it really seems like you have to talk to someone so please, baby." Tears began to fall from the taller's eyes and he practically collapsed into Eddie's arms. "There's something wrong with me... and I just wish I knew what it was." He whimpered and hid his face from his caring lover.

His confession took Eddie back and the smaller needed a second to comprehend what Richie had said cause yes indeed there was a lot wrong with the trashmouth but that was why Eddie loved him so deeply, he had fallen for the weirdness. "What do you mean there is something wrong with you? You need to explain it better cause we all know you're a little weird, babe, it's one of the main reasons that the losers and me love you so much." His words were meant to reassure Richie but instead they made him cry, "You won't love me when you know what's going on..." the words were almost inaudible but Eddie managed to catch them and he forced Richie's head up. "Nothing will make me stop loving you." His words were so certain and full of love that Richie eventually cracked and began to explain.

"I've always had trouble with gender alignment, I've never exactly hidden that, but recently I've had a lot of time to myself and I started thinking about it more which I told myself ages ago I wasn't going to do because I've known there is something repressed there... the more I thought about the more scared I got cause I don't know myself as well as I liked to think I did," Richie's breath was getting dangerously faster in speed, his entire body shaking, "I mean I've never felt a connection to she pronouns so I wouldn't say that I'm a transwoman but a lot of the time being called he makes me feel like shit, sometimes it is okay but a lot of the time it isn't, and I just... I don't know Eddie! I don't fucking know! I just wish I knew! I wish I fucking knew!" His breathing was all over the place and the shaking had gotten worse, he couldn't breath and his chest felt tight. He couldn't fucking breath... he couldn't breath... he couldn't breath. Eddie realised quickly what was wrong with his partner and immediately he got in front of Richie, seeing him like this broke his heart, the person he loved more than anything was breaking down in front of him and he accidentally caused it.

"Rich focus on me," Eddie said gently, "You're okay, baby, we can talk about this all and I'll help you in absolutely anyway I can to understand yourself but first I need you to focus on me and nothing else." He kept his voice at a calm level tone, he knew this worked with Richie, "Can I hold you, baby?" He didn't want to touch his partner without permission but he slowly got a nod from Richie signalling that it was okay. He pulled his love into his arms and gently rubbed his back lovingly, "I've got you, it's me Rich, I love you so fucking much and I am glad you opened up to me. It's okay, baby, I've got you."

Eventually Eddie managed to calm his partner down and he let Richie take a nap for a while afterwards knowing an attack made him exhausted and he needed rest. He messaged the losers to let them know that Richie is okay but not to press the issue until he fully discussed with Rich what was going on. He had the taller cuddled up in his arms and he ran loving fingers through Richie's curly mop of hair, waiting for his lover to awake, there was a lot to talk about.

"So..." Eddie started awkwardly. "So...?" Richie just as awkwardly continued. That caused the two of them to laugh slightly and smile at each other, both smiles were full of love and adoration. "I wish you'd come to me sooner about this, we were all worried when you weren't answering any of us, if you were worried I wouldn't love you or help you through this then you're just a dumbass," Eddie chuckled at the last part, "I was thinking though you said you don't always like going by male pronouns because it makes you uncomfortable... what if I used gender neutral pronouns for you like they and them the majority of the time?" A smile formed on Richie's lips and they nodded their head, "I think I would like that." Eddie grinned and smiled at his partner, "I'll tell the other losers then... you know they'll be accepting and you don't have to label yourself right now or ever, you're still you and you're still the trashmouth I love deeply, gender identity doesn't matter to me."

Eddie told the other losers and they were fully accepting and they helped Richie learn to accept themselves and feel happy just being them. Eddie was the most supportive and was always there for his partner. The love they shared grew every day. Love has no gender.