Isn't it love || Reddie oneshots

I'd hug all my friends if they weren't friends with you

Potential triggers:
Mentions of panic attacks, suicidal thoughts, emotional abuse
(Please stay safe 💙)

Modern AU

Richie tossed his phone to the other side of his bed and sighed heavily. There were no messages, none, but he should have expected that. He knew Connor had been saying shit about him. Bill had told him that much, luckily Bill hadn't believed any of it, and he knew half the losers would 'side' with Connor. There shouldn't be sides. What really hurt him is that he was certain Eddie would believe the Bowers boy. Richie had been, no scratch that still was, in love with Eddie and that's why it hurt so much.

The trashmouth stared at the ceiling, blinking back tears, his brain was running at a million miles an hour. He'd been getting better but now it felt like his walls were crumbling and he couldn't build them back up in time. It would be easier for everyone if you weren't here. You're dumb, worthless, they don't care about you. They believe Connor... they think you're a bad person and you are.

Every single fucking night the same thoughts would flow through his brain. It had been that way since the event happened. Richie and Connor had been together, granted it wasn't a very long maybe three or four months but it was enough time to completely mess up Richie's head, and had then decided to end it. The wannabe-comedian had discovered that all the other losers had known about the planned break-up before Richie himself though as the Bowers cousin had spoken to them first. Richie had always felt like he was the one who had fucked up their relationship and although breaking up was definitely the best decision for them both it still hurt that his best friends, no the losers were more like his family, had believed Connor's lies but Richie had too. He knew now though that he wasn't the only bad guy but that didn't stop him feeling the way he did.

He didn't want to be here, the only reason he remained was because he knew how much it hurt to lose someone... or maybe it was because of fear... he was too scared of the unknown or how his lost loved ones would judge him.

Richie tried to keep his mind level, it was like a set of weights too much on either side and he would spill over. He was prone to random panic attacks with no real reason for why they happened, he would have a sudden tightness and fear in his body and suddenly he would be gasping for breath unable to maintain it, and that was just after he was supposed to be getting better. On his other scale were his thoughts, the self-hatred, the paranoia, the fear and the longing. Most nights he found himself wishing to be gone and almost doing something about those thoughts... but he never would.

Buzz

His phone vibrated against the bedsheets next to his ear and with a hefty oof he moved himself to grab the phone, squinting at the words to read them, it was a message from Eddie. With his hands shaking he opened it.

I heard everything the other losers were saying cause of Connor. Wanna get an ice cream with me and Billy to cheer yourself up? Xx

Eddie didn't hate him. He didn't believe Connor. A smile tugged on the boy's lips and he replied rapidly.

yes i'll be there in a few xx

Sure, he still felt like shit and he knew he would for a while until he properly took steps towards self-care and maybe even opened up to someone but he still had some amazing people in his life and he was grateful for that.

A/N: I know it's short but it's like 3am here lmao. Also please if you ever feel the same way as I wrote Richie reach out to someone and talk to someone about your emotions and know that no matter how shit life is it can get better (as cliche a line as that is) 💙