Is it strange that I physically can't tell someone how I feel face to face I have to either text it them which makes me feel like crap or I just don't let them know.
My life is currently a shed loads of emotions that I'm trying to decipher, god knows how long that's going to take. To say the least I've had some amazing people to talk to even though it's hard to talk about it, for instance this one person I used to really have a crush on has become some what of a friend well more of an acquaintance, that's what he would say, the thing is though I found myself talking to him more than I did anyone and I mean anyone. One time we started talking at half three just after school and finished around ten pm that night, sometimes we would talk in the morning but that would be a repeat of what was said at school.
It's different now though he doesn't sit with me in a morning, I'm hardly in any of his lessons (yes I know it all sounds weird) but because our last names were next to each other in the register I would be sat next to him and he'd help with classwork and homework and mainly he was just someone to talk to.
Year ten came along and I lost that, that one acquaintance that put a smile on my face, he still does every now and again. I guess high school does change who you are as a person and it defines your true qualities and flaws. I have one true quality and that's being able to shut people out and my flaws well that list lasts for miles.
I know that these chapters are supposed to be what twelve pages long or more well these chapters are what I feel at a certain moment, they are the thought that pops into my head, the idea, the emotion and the feeling. My chapters define me and what I let high school turn me into and so far that's a soft, fat, ugly freak who has no friends and who no one gives a Damn about.
Yeah I know I have some friends and they always say it's better to have a handful of good friends then a hundred friends you hardly know.
My life, my head, my heart and my emotions, what can you do other than put on a brave face.
Something just popped into my head recently I've been talking to someone who I have gotten on well with we have weird conversations which are bizarre but funny and we get on. He's been a really good friend lately and he's also going through a lot and he deserves to have someone listen to him so I am always there for him, recently he's been like an annoying brother who you can always have a laugh with no matter what mood you're in, after talking to each other you're either laughing, crying from laughter or dying from laughter either way it's funny. The only problem is that he used to date my annoying twin sister, and by used to I mean a while ago, again the only thing that is bothering me is that recently they have fallen out and he doesn't want to be friends with her. This alongside a text she got made her cry and feel really bad because supposedly whenever they texted each other she would always put him in a bad mood; you see my dilemma. He won't talk to me about it even though she is my sister and he is my friend, I guess it is just a matter of time to see whether or not he will open up to me and talk; my final thought is probably not.
