𝐠𝐧𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐧𝐞 ||𝐤𝐮𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐧||

12

"are you okay?" kenma asks me as i stand still, just staring at her.  it's still very new and fresh, the wounds on both of us have yet to heal, kenma's much more severe. it's like she changed overnight, just yesterday we were both crying in each other's arms and today we are already out in town, together, like we used to be - but it's different.

kenma is finally revealing herself to me, her true self. i was so used to seeing her in oversized sweaters and pants, her skin covered, hair pushed back - the person in front of me now is... a beauty unlike any other. her hair perfectly styled with a braid on the side, her lips covered in gloss - it has glitter in it and they are sparkling in the sun - a nice and light dress with frills and lace which leaves her arms and legs out in the open, and a pair of nice flats. if i didn't know kenma, i would go crazy over this girl, i would chase her to end of the world...

"yeah, sorry, i'm just..." i manage to squeeze out, kenma gives me a smile as if knowing what i am worried about.

"i know you're not used to seeing me like this, but... you promised to try" kenma says, her voice quiet, but i can still hear it even over all the crowds surrounding us.

"yes, i did say that. and i promise i am trying. you look stunning, i really like the dress" i say, kenma fiddles with the frills for a second before facing me with a smile on her face.

"i'm glad you do. so, should we go in?" kenma asks and i mentally slap myself, it's time to really improve myself as a human being. i had a whole night to think about everything i had done or said, obviously, the two of us were at fault, me in bigger pit. while kenma only hid the fact that she was trans, i said many mean things not only against trans people, but also against the lgbt in general.

i wonder how i could have been such a fool and hypocrite?

one thing was still hurting me, though. my feelings, unsorted still. kenma said that she felt attraction towards me, but we both agreed on seeing how everything will work out. i don't want to rush, as i am not sure myself whether or not i still feel the same. after all this kenma is different from the one i knew. 

i fell for a gamer boy, who would hide himself in oversized clothes and read manga during breaks, one that would stay quiet until asked soemthing - much like an npc. there was something so attractive about him. now, however, that same person was an expressive and sensitive girl, full of smiles and chatter, tight fitting clothes riddled with glitter and light make up on her face, she talked about whatever was on her mind... this is such a sudden change that i haven't been able to process it yet.

i took a deep breath and grabbed kenma's hand. "yeah, let's go in. i hope you don't mind visiting the same place", i sigh, we are going into the same garden, more flowers bloomed and i wanted to bring kenma some happiness. she did look very happy last time, so i hope this works.

"oh, of course. we didn't go through the whole garden last time, i want to see the lillies!" it ends up in such a way that kenma is the one dragging me along, yet all i can do is stare at pure happiness on her face and she buries herself in all the flowers in the garden. i take out my phone, i must take pictures, if i don't photograph this moment i will regret it for the rest of my life.

for a moment there i can forget all the troubles inside my mind, the morals that i was taught get buried for a second, before jumping out and ruining my day again. boys aren't supposed to be feminine, boys are supposed to be the stronger sex, boys are supposed to become men and find a wife and have a large family - all these things taught by my grandparents and parents from when i was a baby, they are hard to get rid of instantly - but looking at kenma now i feel peace.

i can start realizing that everything i was taught about men and women is wrong.

"everything okay?" kenma asks as she pokes my cheek, i blink in confusion - i must have drifted off into my thoughts.

"yeah, sorry, just lost in thought"

"i should have told you sooner, i know, but it was so hard..."

"kenma, you don't need to apologize again"

"i do. if i hadn't hidden it, there wouldn't be such problems now"

"you had reasons... and i can change."

"you promised you will"

"for you i would do anything, kenma. i've known you since i was little, we were always together, but lately do i realize that i actually don't know anything about you. so tell me, what's your favorite color? what food do you like? what movies do you enjoy? and... do you still like me even after all that i had done?"

kenma stares at me with wide eyes, did i fuck up again? no, i didn't say anything wrong this time, i think. her eyes dart away from mine as her cheeks become pinkish in color. "... i like pastel colors, but gold is my favorite. i like sweets, but anything cheese flavored makes me go crazy. i like horror movies and animated films... and i do still like you, i've liked you for years."

i don't think i can withhold these feelings anymore...

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My my, I hope you enjoyed this chapter!! As you may have noticed we are almost at the end of the story.

How are you doing though?

Hatari