From Hereafter: A Collection of Memoirs

The Death of an Era .../... The Dawn of an Era

Checklist for my first (and last) college party:

1. Show up four hours late because you work full time. Check.

2. Park down the street so that nobody sees you, and you don't see anybody. Check.

3. Text the host (your only friend in attendance) that you're there, ask him to come out and get you so that you don't have to walk through the party alone looking for him. Check.

4. Wait in your car, feeling extremely sick inside. Check.

Chris replied to my text saying "Just come, I can't leave rn." I took in a deep breath and stepped out of my car into the mid-May heat and started walking towards his house. He lived in East Haven with two housemates, and they were right on the beach (perks of three pairs of rich parents). Some people like to say they live right on the beach when their house is a block away and you can't even see the ocean from it. Chris and his two friends lived on the beach. You take about twenty regular-sized steps from their back door and your feet will be in the Long Island Sound. Chris had always convinced me to spend the night there by boasting about how he gets to fall asleep listening to the waves crashing against the shore every night.

I hadn't seen him for a few months now. This was my first time being at his house during daylight hours, primarily because most of our relatively new friendship took place last winter when it was always dark. This was also my first time being on his beach, for the same reasons.

I walked down the deserted road listening to my flip flops slapping the pavement. I got to Chris's street, which was actually a short paved square jutting out into the beach with one house on each side, and I headed towards the music. I could see about fifty people from the end of the street as I walked over. I wore a white lace bra top and dark high waisted jeans. I had sunglasses on and my phone out, asking Chris what color shirt he was wearing. I finally got to the crowd. I didn't know any of these people. I didn't make friends in college. I worked two part time jobs, then one part time job and an internship, and then one full time job, and I commuted for the entire four years. I came onto campus just to go to my classes, then leave to go to work, never speaking to a soul. Even when professors required us to go to certain events in lieu of attending class, I never went, just took the absence. I skipped mandatory field trips. Chris, his two housemates Baily and Colin, and whoever branched off of them were the only people I knew at my entire university.

I had walked through the entire yard until I ended up sinking into the sand. I was not able to spot Chris. I felt so embarrassed standing around by myself, looking lost. I felt that everyone was wondering what I was doing there. I turned around to circle through again and finally saw him in the corner of his yard talking with his father. I barreled towards him. He saw me coming only a second before I jumped into his arms.

"I missed you," I told him, breathing out all my anxiety until it had completely depleted.

"I missed you too," he returned as we pulled out of the hug. "Glad you made it."

"Can I finally meet your best friend?" I asked excitedly.

"Swaz? If he's still here, yeah," Chris said, scanning around the yard. "People have been starting to leave."

"I came straight from work, I'm sorry," I explained though he already knew why I was late.

"It's okay," he said and flashed me a knowing smile, eliciting a similar look from me in return. "I'll see if I can find him, hold on a second." Chris walked away in search of the famed "Swaz" immediately as his friend Lisa passed me.

"Lisa, hey!" I cried out, grabbing her attention. She instantly lit up upon seeing me.

"Jill!" She pulled me into a tight hug. "We made it!" she yelled, causing everyone nearby to cheer and scream in response. "Have you gotten a drink yet? Or food? Actually it looks like all the food is gone," she discovered as she led me over to a table full of bottles of liquor, with no food in sight. "You can have as much as you like," she informed me before getting pulled away by someone else who wanted to talk to her.