A Blue String (Janto AU)

7 - Thoughts

//Trigger warning: suicide attempt and angst\\

Ianto's POV 

My hand jumps to my neck to once again cover the mark up. "Oh, it's nothing, sir," I say with a smile. 

Jack takes a few steps towards me, his eyes on the spot where the Ghost Bruise stands on my skin. "Ianto, that doesn't look like nothing," Jack says with his voice filled with concern. I step back from him as he comes toward me. It felt so much like the first time I met Jack. That memory brought yet another layer of emotion crashing down on me. 

A small shiver ran up my back as I feel the sensation rush over me. Jack raises an eyebrow, "that wasn't there yesterday, what happened?" 

First off, how does he know it wasn't there yesterday? Was he checking me out?!

"Nothing happened. It just showed up." Good job, Ianto, that sentence wasn't a lie! Jack smirked, "like a hickey?" If some alien doesn't come along and kill Jack soon, I swear I will. "No," I say, "not like a hickey." 

Jack's mischievous grin fades and his arms cross. He's in his serious mode now.  "Why are you really up here, Ianto?" He asks. "Like I said, I was trying to find my phone. And I found it so everything's fine." 

"Oh yeah?" Jack challenges, "then why is your phone on the table down in the Hub?" 

Fuck. 

I don't even bother feeling my pockets to see if he's right, because he probably is. Jack can see right through my lies. But then, why should he even care if I'm lying or not? Why should he even care about the reason that I'm lying? 

I blink and suddenly, Lisa is standing in front of me in Jack's place. Her eyes show her care for me and her concern that I saw, oh, so often during my time at Torchwood One. I blink again and Jack is back in his place. 

There is silence until I start to walk around Jack to get to the lower parts of the Hub. "Excuse me," I say, moving past him. 

Jack grabs my wrist and I turn to him so I can pull my arm away from his grip. It's then that Jack smashes his lips into mine. And if you can believe it, I kissed him back for a solid three seconds. After those three, short seconds, I come to my senses and pull away. That wasn't what I wanted and it isn't what I need. 

I manage to pull my hand out of Jack's grasp and walk away from him and into the Hub. The second I had pulled away from Jack, another emotion came sprinting at me as if it was in a race. Except it wasn't just one emotion, it was a whole fucking cult of emotions. Which is exactly what I want right now. 

I need to sit down... 

Jack's POV

Shit. 

Ianto's POV

I make my way inside the Hub and head straight to the couch. And I don't even bother asking if I can get anyone anything like my job requires me to. My head is spinning and all I want is for everything to end right here and right now. 

"You alright, Ianto?" Gwen looks over at me, her welsh accent carrying over across the room. 

"Fine." Is my dry response. 

Gwen frowns but let's me be. 

My head lowers and my eyes close. There's so much. Almost too much. If any more of this comes along, I'm going to explode. Seriously. 

I hear the alarm of the door going off. It's probably Jack. I don't even bother looking up in hopes he would just leave me alone. If I don't look up at him, maybe he won't talk to me. Maybe he could just let me be. Let me cope with whatever is going on.