In The Name Of Love

Chapter 22

I really wanted to groan out loud and turn around and stomp off, but I supposed I had to get used to this. It hadn't even been a week yet. The whole crowd of people was staring at me, and people further down the aisle looking at cheese were beginning to look too. Everyone seemed frozen to the spot because apparently no one expected me to need to do the shopping by myself anymore.

"Hello," the mother said sounding rather... breezy.

Well, I could work with this. "Hello," I said to her and then smiled at everyone else. "Do you mind?" I asked and squeezed between the people in the crowd, grabbed a couple of pints of milk and then walked back to my trolley.

Then I went further down the aisle because I felt like eating cheese on toast for lunch and got myself a rare luxury – extra mature cheddar. I could have got some of this straight from the source at the farm and not paid for it since it was the stuff Dad made, but I wanted to buy myself a luxury and at the moment I wanted cheese more than anything else the shop had.

Then I escaped the aisle and went to the freezer section, got spiced wedges, onion rings, Chinese ribs, pizza and a couple of big tubs of Ben and Jerry's. Then I decided to splash out on some new toiletries so I got some flower scented bubble bath and body wash, shampoo and conditioner which was nearly the same and got myself a new razor and sponge. The teenage girl next to me swapped her razor for the one I got. It was stupid, but I didn't tell her off. I was a student, I didn't have this much money to spare easily.

But I needed new things, fresh starts. I needed to indulge myself for a while so that I was the only person who was important and then I'd be able to, well, not forget, but push him into memory instead of having him in the here and now haunting me.

I ignored the staring as much as I could, but I still hated it. I wasn't a princess, I wasn't important anymore. There was no reason to stare at me. It was Mircea that was the important one, not me.

Because I couldn't deal with standing around in a queue I went to the auto scan section. You just had to put your trolley on a pressure pad and it totted everything up for you in a matter of seconds. I flashed my card at the reader and paid, not even listening to the price and hurried out to my car.

A few people pointed at me but I ignored them, loaded the car, put the trolley back and got into the safety of my car. I just sat there for a moment breathing. Then I drove home and found a crowd of press waiting outside the house.

Unlike back in the late 1900's and early 2000's the press weren't allowed to flock around the person's house or crowd around them so I was able to park outside the house, get my shopping out the boot and get inside without too much bother but I hated that they were there. I needed to be alone. I needed to be left in my grief without having people with cameras staring at me and recording me whenever I left the house.

I closed all the curtains and then put my food away. I wasn't hungry anymore, but I made the toast anyway and ate it at the kitchen table. It was silent in the house save for the ticking of a clock.

I sighed and levered myself up. My dissertation wasn't going to write itself. I walked out of the kitchen to go upstairs, but I got distracted by the newspaper that was by the door. It hadn't been there when I got back, but the paper was often late on this street. I picked it up and opened it out when I was in my room.

Mircea was on the front page, his face slack with sadness and tears falling from his eyes; so far from the man I knew. I could tell he was trying to rein it in, trying to concentrate on the person who was talking to him, but it wasn't happening. By his side Elisabeta was looking at him in concern.

I traced the picture of Mircea's face with a trembling finger.

"Ohfy annwyl cariad, Mircea." My beloved sweetheart, Mircea. "Un annwyl."