I'm sorry for leaving the story hanging for so long. The truth is... this story was so deeply, so closely connected to my mother. It was born out of my pain when I was watching my mother's struggle to survive from day to day as she took regular dialysis. Yes. She had the same illness that Tae's character Tone in Hotel Stars had. Reason why I couldn't watch Episode 10 till date. I needed to let out this angst that I was living everyday while watching my mom slowly sink. And it all went away from me the day she passed away. On 1st March 2020.
I can't say that I'm crying buckets here. I'm really okay. It might strike some people strange but I'm actually relieved that she's no more. If you have watched HS ep 10 you'll have some idea. Only my mom was worse. Wayyy worse. At least she escaped the pain.
So I'm not crying. I'm normal. Reading stories, commenting, fangirling,... It's just... the spirit of this particular story has gone away with my mom. The muse of this story has left an empty space that I am finding difficult to fill. Like... I know what to write. I just can't find words. It's all gone.
And in the days of quarantine, when I have nothing to do, it's worse.
So, after wasting days sitting at my laptop and staring at this story and finding my mind fill up with what ifs and had it not been fors... I gave up.
No. I haven't abandoned it. It's after all my first child. But I'm taking a break from it. Maybe... when one day this feeling of 'less' will blunt somehow, this story's muse will come back to me. Everything is less at the moment. One less cup of tea to brew, one less portion of meals to cook. Fewer clothes to wash. No medicines to buy. One less person to nag me when I procrastinate. Everything is less. Her absence is everywhere. And it's so peculiar. It's so surreal. I've never had to experience this before. It had always been the three of us. My parents and me.
So my apologies to those who are waiting for this story. Give me some time please? I may write other stories in the meantime. Ones that don't remind me of the time when I was typing away while sitting in the waiting area of the hospital while mom was undergoing dialysis. And it always happened twice a week for four hours each time.
Can't be helped. That's life. And death.
Wait for me na? Or better yet, forget the story. There will be others. I hope I can do better with the new plot I'm trying out. And when the time is right, and the spirit of Dear Diary smiles on me again, I'll take it forward. Kit is waiting for Ming after all. He's prepared to wait patiently.
I really love you guys. You still keep adding the story to your lists, still keep voting. You are the ones who are keeping it alive now. And I'll write it for you.
Thank you so much guys.
Love you all.
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YOU ARE READING
DEAR DIARY
Fanfiction"Wake up Ming... I'm so tired and I'm drifting away from life... Won't you wake up and catch hold of my hand?" He closed his eyes and let his weary head rest on Ming's pillow. "Won't you keep me Ming?" The dashing aerospace engineer Mingkwan Diachep...
