Losing my religion

About a guy

reference (About a girl- Nirvana) - [does not have to do with the story]

Way is 16 years old, still in school. Here he already liked Frank, probably for almost a year now. He can't really express that just yet. Gerard has this spot at school in which he just sits under a tree to take some fresh air and take out his sketchbook. It's located behind the school's bathrooms. Some times some grunge skater inhale some weed there, in that case, he just leaves.

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Fuck, I never felt like this before. My mind is going insane. I'm not sure if it's whether I've been numb for such a long time but I don't think I've ever felt this way about a person. You think damn I can get over him I was doing fine without him. You get the chance to speak to him or even just take a glimpse of his face and boom you're trapped in his soulful eyes.

He is special. I always found that sort of feeling towards him. I never really talked to him before but I just sort of admired him from a window with a glass blocking me. Now we have art class together and we got to know each other. I don't know why he likes to sit next to me but I'm not complaining. He's a nice guy and has a good personality. We share a similar taste in music and therefore we kinda started by bonding over bands. He's just perfect inside and out. I dought he knows that about himself but I do really want him to know.

He had pale skin and smooth dark hair which made his heavenly hazel eyes pop. He wore sweaters with ripped jeans and his signature black converse which he painted on. His fingernails were painted black and his lips were fire red due to his high blood pressure. Am I the only one who feels these things towards a person or am I just exaggerating it all. Is this normal?. I just dream of holding his hand.

> I need to run away from here. I feel like shit and I've lost myself again. I can't take it. I sprinted towards the school bathroom trying to not let anyone see me. Shit, I bet I looked like a chicken with noodles attached to it to replace limbs. I looked in the mirror as I splattered my face with water to try to get to my senses. I went out to my spot as I looked out checking if no one was there. I took a deep breath smelling the air after a rainy night.

I took out my sketchbook and started sketching in peace by a tree for shade. A single tear rolled down my eye and I just put on my headphones to escape in my own world. I started sketching basic shapes and joining them together to form a realistic face. I was motionless and collected under that same tree I'm always under. I felt the sun hit on my skin and I felt like I had company as I felt its warmth.

The last two lessons were art so I kinda had this excitement implanted inside me. As usual, I came in first. I sat at the back of the classroom, the left side where I always sat along with Frank. I placed my flat art portfolio on the desk releasing it's weight from my hands. I took out my homework and discussed it with the teacher. I then started settling down my items on the desk. Frank was always the second one to enter the room. His dark black hair shined in the sun along with his face that lit up as soon as he saw me. I greeted him with a short wave as he came closer to my desk. He immediately saw the work in front of me and complimented me for the concept I brought out with the title the teacher had given us previously for homework. I blushed at his voice and words and looked down at my feet in embarrassment. I also liked his work because it really brought out himself in it, like a montage of himself stuck together on one canvas. The other students started joining in and the lesson began.

We didn't really talk much that day but the feeling of having him close to me made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. We made light jokes along the way. I liked the way he smiled. We were painting fruit with this technique called the stippling technique. I was familiar with the technique so I helped him. I couldn't stop jotting down his cute smiles in my head. It got me uncomfortable only because of the fact that I taught I looked shit and he was just so fragile. My head was filled with a balance of fuzziness and warmth towards Frank and negative comments about myself.

The bell rang and we separated from each other.

I was alone with my thoughts again.