Losing my religion

I'M FINE

I have edited the picture myself. I don't know how to feel abt this chpt. For the 2 people that actually read this, sorry for not posting for a long ass time. A lot of things happened since the last time I posted. yes Elton John reference "I'm still standing"  and yes green day reference "I'm still breathing" Good charlotte reference on "hold on"       *TW btw.*

I managed to convince my mum and Mikey who were shocked as soon as they caught a glimpse of my face that I had fallen down the stairs severely. The lie was quite easily convinced as it was not the first time that it had happened. My mum got me a bag of frozen peas for my now purple eye. I went straight upstairs to my room without eating and locked the room.

I was in bad shape and I couldn't quite move. I caught my reflection in the mirror, I'm a useless piece of shit. I kicked my chair and punched a fist through the wall in anger and rage. That anger transformed into tears quite easily and I fell to the ground shedding tears. I put my hands on my mouth in fear of whimpering too loud. I didn't want anyone to hear. Crying without sound is the worst feeling. You feel like shit but u can't express shit. I'm fine. I'm just an overdramatic crybaby.

I was losing breathe and my body unconsciously took a deep breathe to fill me up with some air. There was like a blockage in my head as if nothing had happened to me earlier and I'm crying for no reason but that soon changed as my memory reopened. my entire body started shaking and heart racing faster than any car I've seen.  My eye was purple, almost as if it were painted. I had bruises throughout my body and my thoughts were pounding so much that they felt like bullets in my head. All the pressure ran through my head like some endless gush of wind but I tried my best to stay put together. My fist was defeated by the times I've hit it to the wall at this point. But at least I felt something other than emotional pain. 

Some time passed and I was on the floor listening to some music. I was completely drained out. My vision faded due to my teary salty eyes. It's fine. I'm fine. I will do fine. "I'm still standing". "I'm still breathing" "hold on". Lyrics passed through my head and they cleansed my thoughts. Made them numb for a while.  I somehow found a way to think about Frank. I got butterflies in my stomach and they just travelled head to toe and back to my stomach. I wish I wasn't a fucking pussy. Though I dought he even thinks about me. I just want to feel that tender of holding his hands. 

Kind of a short chapter ik but if i continued it wouldn't b the sme. It would hv portrayed a much less tense scene. Maybe bc I'm quite chill rn idk. Peace out ✌🏼Rock on 🤘🏽
                       STAY SAFE