Love Bites

For All The Reasons Above

Slowly, Tasha became aware of the noises around her; the ticking of a clock and the gentle breathing of someone close by. As she came to some more; a steady beep of a monitor and an overpowering antiseptic smell invaded her senses too.

Opening her eyes she took in what was going on around her. Cal gently slumbered in a chair next to her bed, his hand still entwined with hers. Izzy was curled up in a ball in another chair at the foot of her bed and Simon sat on the window cill, on foot on the cill, the other dangling over the edge. He was staring out of the window, unaware she was awake. 

Tasha shifted slightly and the movement caused him to turn. "Hey you're awake." He smiled, standing up and coming to her side.

"Yes," Tasha replied making a big deal about looking around her to give Simon chance to wipe his watery eyes. When she finally looked back at him there was no trace of the tears she'd seen him shedding only moments ago.

"How are you feeling?" he asked her quietly so as not the wake Cal or Izzy.

"Sore. Stupid," Tasha admitted. Simon's face looked pained and Tasha realised the ever present smile and optimism he usually displayed wasn't there; guilt, fresh and raw hit her.

"Why?"

"Why stupid?" Tasha tried to clarify.

"No, yes, no, I mean, why did you do it Tasha?" he finally asked, nodding towards her swathed wrists, his voice barely more than a whisper.

Tasha sighed, she could feel her throat closing, the sensation of weight crushing her, the tears begging to be released. She swallowed hard, tried to slow the rapid beat of her heart.

"Sorry!" Simon mumbled, his face a mask of mortification. "I...I shouldn't have asked."

"No, it's fine," Tasha managed to smile at him. "It all seems so stupid now. Now i'm surrounded by you lot, by the people who love me." she began. Simon waited to for to continue. "I just felt so...so, lost. I thought I'd lost everything I loved. Cal, you guys, and..." Tasha stopped, letting her head fall back on to the soft white pillows. "And I felt like I shouldn't be happy." she finished not looking at Simon, for if she did the dam she'd built in her mind would surely break.

"Tasha, what do you mean, you shouldn't be happy?" Simon asked. 

She still wouldn't give him her eyes but the dam broke and the tears began to fall, there was no holding them back now. "My sister, my beautiful little sister, died because of me. I was supposed to keep her safe and I failed. I was more interested in myself than protecting her." Tasha's voice trembled. "My dad died in my arms, bleeding and broken. Attacked whilst I was upstairs asleep. My mum, was taken and God only knows how much she suffered before they killed her." Now she was talking about how she felt she couldn't stop. "I'm the only one left. Me. They're all dead. Why should I get to be happy when they are all dead! Death wants my family, so, I decided to stop running."

In the chair Cal kept his breathing steady and even, feigning sleep, but he listened closely to Tasha's words, and his heart broke with every, single, one.

                                                                                              ***

Summer was drawing to a close, the nights becoming longer, and with it Tasha's old fear of the dark was renewed. Especially the nights when Cal wasn't sleeping by her side. Though, Tasha rarely found herself alone these days. No one said it but she knew they didn't trust her to be alone. Didn't trust her not to take the nearest sharpest object to her veins. Those wounds had begun to heal but the mental ones remained fresh, and not just for her.

Tonight, however, she found herself unexpectedly alone. Her grandparents had gone to visit some sick friend and had asked Cal to stay with her, he had promised them he would be there as soon as he'd finished up some paperwork the solicitors were after. 

He'd finally relented and told her about his father and sister's car accident after Izzy had let something slip. She'd felt even more guilty knowing he'd been going through all that alone, and that she had only added to his grief. She knew he'd kept quiet for fear of burdening her further but he was treating her like a china doll, as though she would break from even the slightest touch. She needed him, she needed all of them to stop.

However, finding herself alone now with the day steadily retreating, she suddenly felt alone and very vulnerable. So many times over the past weeks she had been at the pointing of screaming because she wanted to be left alone and now, now, she couldn't stand the deafening silence, the creeping darkness and the ever moving shadows.

Still she steeled her nerves. This was something she needed to conquer. She flicked on the TV and settled down to watch something trashy.

She awoke with a start, the TV playing to itself, the lights shining, but something had woken Tasha. She went to the window and tentatively gazed into the darkness. Abruptly a face appeared at the window mere inches from her own. Tasha screamed and fell backwards, her heart beating painfully against her ribs. She glanced back at the window but the face was gone. Tasha scrambled to her feet and rushed to the front door, slammed the lock into place, and lent, gasping for breath, against it. Then, between the sound of her own ragged, frightened breaths a metallic click reached her ears. Her attention suddenly sharpened, her senses aware of every, little noise. Slowly, using reserves of bravery she didn't know she had she pushed herself away from the door towards the unknown. Down the dusky hallway she crept, eyes darting all around her, ready for someone or something to strike.

The kitchen was in complete darkness and horrible, red-tainted memories surfaced. She pushed them back down and flipped the light switch before fear paralysed her completely.

Empty.

The back door stood open the cool night air whispering in, the door rocking slightly on its hinges. There on the mat, preening himself, unaware of the drama he'd created was Tyrion, her grandparents' cat. She blew out a shaky breath. Telling her heartbeat it could return to normal. That there was no threat that needed her fight or flight response. Silently she scolded herself for being so ridiculous. The face in the window was probably just the reflection of her own, her stupid fear of the dark playing tricks on her overwrought mind. Berating herself further, she decided it was time for bed.

                                                                                         ***

Marcus stood in the shadows laughing to himself. The daft bitch had almost keeled over. He'd teach her that she should be very afraid of the things that went bump in the night.