MILK

five

"You seriously don't remember what happened?" I spoke through gritted teeth.

A hungover Calum shrugged his shoulders, giving me a worried look. After Calum had interrupted me and Luke, he decided to tell me all about his love for me and all I could think of was punching him. I loved him but his definition of the word 'love' was different to mine. He never remembers a single thing. I left the party not long after that, I just wanted to get home and relax. Of course, that wasn't an option as Calum was my ride and he was drunk, so Larissa drove me home. 

"You said you loved me again Cal." I whispered, holding back some tears.

"As a best friend!" He half shouted, rubbing his forehead.

I nodded, wiping my eyes a little. As a best friend, okay, "Yeah, I understand. I just wish you would stop getting drunk and telling me you love me all the time."

He shook his head, his jaw clenching, "I don't even drink that much."

I shrugged, "Just forget it."

My phone went off, it was from Luke. I smiled down at my phone as the text appeared in front of me.

"Who was that?" Calum asked suspiciously.

"Just Luke." I smiled, still looking at the text.

"What did he say?"

"Just that he enjoyed speaking to me last night, before you interrupted us." 

Calum smiled a little at me. He was proud that he interrupted us. He seemed afraid to lose me, not because he loved me, but because he knows I'll always believe him and he knows I'll always be putty in his hands.

I texted back, looking up at Calum. His face was now in a scowl and his eyebrows were furrowed.

"What?" I asked.

"What did you text back?" He questioned.

"Just asked if he wanted to hang out." I shrugged.

He nodded, wiping his forehead, "Well I'll go - be careful Alana. I don't want him hurting you." 

He's not the one hurting me.

"Okay. Well, I'll text you later." I smiled, hugging him and sitting back down. He could let himself out of my house.

My heart is so confused. I'm so confused. Everything is so confusing. He always seems to make me feel like the bad guy, when really, he is. And it's getting on my nerves. Does he love me or not? He needs to make up his fucking mind.

I curled up on my sofa, throwing my phone onto the floor. I didn't know what to do. I loved my best friend but he hurts my heart and my mind and confuses me and scares me. I just want everything to be normal again. I want to feel normal feelings again. I want Calum but Luke is so much better. I just want everything to work out and be okay. Calum is too busy messing with his head he doesn't know where his feelings are for me. He tells me he loves me and then when he's not drunk he denies it, saying he loves me as a best friend. There is only so many more 'I love yous' I can take from him before I scream. 

A tear fell from my eye. I hadn't realised I was crying. I thought being in love meant being happy and enjoying who you are with. But when the person you love, doesn't love you back, it breaks you. 

"Alana! What's wrong?" Luke asked, rushing over to my curled up body.

"Luke? What are you doing here?" I asked, wiping my eyes. I must have looked so horrible right now.

"Well, I texted you 10 minutes ago saying I'd come round. And when I called, you didn't pick up, so I let myself in to see if you were okay."

I looked over at my phone on the floor. I didn't even hear the call over my crying. 

"I'm fine." I mumble.

"No you're not. What's wrong?" Luke asked.

"I just...it's Calum. He says he loves me and then denies it. He has messed with my heart too many times. I feel heartbroken Luke." I say, starting to cry again.

Luke pulled me into him, resting his head on top of mine. He rubbed my back, whispering words like 'it's okay' and 'I' m here' to me. I calmed down a little, holding onto Luke's stomach and breathing in and out. He pulled me away and looked into my eyes before pulling me into a hug. He was so warm and nice and I didn't want to let him go. I was happy in his arms. I wasn't confused.

He took away his arms, moving my head to look at him. He smiled at me, wiping tears away from my eyes with his thumb. He was so perfect. So valuable, I can't believe I let him out of my life. 

I smiled faintly at him, moving my hands to around his neck and moving my head to his shoulder. I looked around at my living room as we hugged, it was quiet and peaceful and there was no movement. The only thing I could hear was Luke and I's heartbeat, beating in sync with one another. I smiled as I hugged onto Luke tighter, "Thank you."

I could feel him shake his head. He pulled me away for a second and looked at me, "Don't thank me."

I nodded, a smile appearing on my face. I let go of him, standing up and sitting properly on the sofa. Luke stood up, bringing out Monsters Inc from inside his jacket. I grinned at him. This boy honestly, could he get any better?

"I thought you'd wanna watch it again." He smiled, putting it into the DVD player.

"I always have time for Monsters Inc." I laughed.

He smiled down at the DVD player, "Hey, could I ask you something?"

"What is it?" I asked, my eyebrow lifted a little.

"Well, you said you were heartbroken.." He mumbled.

"Yeah.."

"Well, I'd be happy to help you glue the pieces of your heart back together, if you wanted my help."

I smiled at him.

"See, I really like you. And I know you like Calum but I feel like you like me a little too and I just, I really wanna see you sm-"

I kissed him. He smiled through the kiss and pulled back a little, "So is that a yes?"

"Yes, of course it's a yes." I giggled, pulling him back into a kiss as Monsters Inc started to play.

One day the cracks in my heart will heal and it will no longer be covered in your fingerprints.