MILK

ten

I shut my curtains, shutting out the darkness of tonight. It was cold and I was all alone, my parents having to go on another business trip and Luke having a family gathering. Another week passed and Calum still hasn't been in touch, not that I should care. The way he treated me. I'm sick of him anyway. No I'm not. I can never be sick of him. He's Calum for Christ's sake, he's Calum. He's just confusing and mean towards my heart, but it's not as if I'm not recovering. Cos I am. And things are going well and everyday he disappears a little more, but yet, he still stays in my head. 

I lay in bed, scrolling through my phone. There were a lot of parties going on tonight, celebrating different things, not worrying about anything. Sure, Emily hasn't even been caring about Calum. I would just like to say goodbye to him if he's going somewhere. He just needs to calm down and be the Calum I knew and loved. 

I smiled, looking through old photos. There was a lot of albums, some containing pictures of just me and Larissa, some me and Luke and obviously, some of me and Calum. I looked so happy, he looked so tired. Then again, he was tired and cold and confused. And I wasn't happy, I was miserable most of the time. Because of the tired and cold figure in so many of my photo's, my happiness was sucked away and I guess I only pretended to be happy. But, being with Luke, a happy and shy and cute and awesome person, he's restored my happiness and I'm not sure how. But I'm so very thankful. I just hope he doesn't get tired of me, I really like him, maybe love. When I see Luke, my heart smiles, I lose control. 

My phone vibrated in my hand, causing me to move my head in a super cool ninja move, missing my phone as it fell forward. I laughed a little at myself, checking my phone. No Caller ID. I hesitantly picked it up, "Hello?"

"Alana!" A familiar voice gurgled.

"Calum?" I asked, putting my hand on my other ear to hear clearly "Where are you?"

"At a party. Have you...missed me?" 

I could feel his smirk. His horrible but yet so attractive and hot smirk.

"Actually, Calum. I haven't really missed you that much." I spoke. 

"Course. I know you've missed me. Cos guess what, I've missed you." 

"Oh just shut up."

"Just, hear me out." He said, more serious "I broke up with Emily."

I didn't say much, I didn't know how to respond. He really liked her and they were a perfect couple. 

"And I miss you. I miss you so much." He said, his voice trembling a bit, "And, I'm sorry. I made a dick move and I know now, I love you."

"Calum...you're drunk. You don't love me." I huffed.

"Of course I fucking love you! I made a stupid mistake and I love you." 

"Calum, please. Don't do this to me." 

"And you know what? I am such a fucking idiot, cos I gave you up and now you have Luke. I made such a stupid mistake, all I want is for you to love me." He said, crying a little.

The background noise faded a little and the phone call became clearer. 

"Calum, I can't love you. I can't forgive you." I said, tearing up a little. I'm such a baby, I'm so weak, "You always play me about. I'm so sick of it and all you do is break my heart over and over again. And you know what? I just hand you back the pieces of my heart and you break it again. And I love you Calum, but you're not the real Calum. I've lost him forever. I love Luke. Luke loves me."

"Oh yeah? I think you should just break up with Luke. He isn't right for you." Calum cried.

"Oh what, and you are?" I half laughed.

"Yes. I love you way more than he loves you. You hardly spoke to the guy, it's only been a month and you're already in love with him. Such a lie. You're lying to yourself. You love me and I love you. We can escape this town and we can go away and make a life for ourselves!"

"Calum! Shut up! Luke is perfect and he was there when you weren't! Get it into your head, I've moved on. Maybe I haven't moved on fully, but I'm in the process of forgetting all of this. My heart feels happy."

"Stop playing with yourself. I only said I didn't love you in that way because...because.."

"Because nothing! Calum, you don't love me! Stop playing me around!" I shouted.

"Break up with Luke and love me! I made a fucking mistake!" He shouted back.

I cut off the phone, throwing it across the bed. Just when I think I'm moving on he does this. Does he have a tracker that tells him when I'm finally losing feelings for him? He doesn't love me. What is he doing? Why is he doing this? 

I cried, covering myself up in my covers. They were now wet and not as soft and I just wanted to hug Luke or mum or dad or Larissa and I wanted them to tell me they loved me. I just need to hear those words and I need to know they are real.

You can say sorry a million times, say I love you as much as you want, whenever you want. But if you're not going to prove that the things you say are true, then don't say anything at all. Because if you can't show it, your words don't mean a thing.