Chapter thirteen

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A/N: This didn't turn out like how I had planned and now I'm annoyed but I wrote too much to change it so... *sighs* Next chapter will be better, promise. Here's a trigger warning ⚠️


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Josh's POV


I shot up awake from a delirious nightmare my hand falling over my chest feeling my frantic heartbeat pounding rapidly in horror. My shirt is drench in sweat and heavy, ragged breaths fall unevenly from my lips. I blink through my sleepy paranoid vision but I'm met with nothing but darkness of a room.

My weak trembling body reaches over to the bedside table and flicker on the side lamp which lights up the room with a dim orange glow. I swallow through my dry shallow breaths and glance down at myself. The bed covers were twisted around my legs with the majority of them hanging off the bed where I most likely fought with them in my sleep. My tired gaze falls onto my son who was astonishingly still soundly asleep on the bed beside me.

I lean over him to check if he's okay and I hear his peaceful even breathing. I have no idea how he's not disturb or the silences of the night is woken from his piercing cries. I usually wake up from my nightmares screaming hysterically or I have Tom or Jordan shake me awake from my subconscious screaming in my sleep and I always come back to reality with a guilt filled heart when I hear my son's traumatised cries. He deserves to have better, not a mentally damage dad who can't even function properly or sleep through the night successfully.

The corners of my eyes sting as they begin to get wet with tears. A painful sob slips through my lips but my hand flings up to cover my mouth. I try stifling the horrendous sounds but the pain is just too unbearable for me to take. I squeeze my eyes shut trying to prevent the tears from falling but my lip wobbles and a strangled sob escapes me when the daunting images from my nightmare flashes over and over through my mind, reminding me what was once real.

I bury my face into my hands as I begin to weep uncontrollably. I slip my trembling legs out of the remainders of the covers and bring them up to my chest. I rest my forehead against my knees and just burst out into a sobbing downfall. I couldn't stop myself, everything hurts and I couldn't run from what I saw behind my eyelids. The images were haunting me and I don't think I'll ever get over what I saw, what I've discovered... forgiveness doesn't exist for a crime such as this. I have no idea what to feel or think anymore, I'm so confused. I don't know what to do.

I swallow thickly struggling to breathe through the reality I was forced to live through. The raw painful images dance around in my mind like some homemade flip book.

I've had this nightmare before... but not like this... this was cold... this was bitter... this was real. I just keep seeing faces, so many faces... all covered in blood. Trace's deafening mantic laughter bounces off the walls in my head. Leaving echo's in my memories so I am unable to escape from them. They were permanently etched into my head haunting me every time I fall asleep and no amount of happiness can seem to erase it from me.

In my fragile state of mentality I'm reminded of his disgusting tainted hands unkindly holding my face, forcing me to stare into the eyes of the screen staring back at me. Those wide doe terrified eyes filled with guilt stared back from my lover, hearing his desperate pleads to save me were nothing but a distant helpless cry.

The screen turns black and just like some sort of magic the laptop moulds and forms into a mirror instead where I'm forced to stare back at my weak pathetic self and my torturer who wears a sickening smirk plastered across his evil features. With his arm securely around my neck he glides the blade delicately down my cheek, allowing the sharp edge to kiss my innocent skin as a little taste of what it's yet to feed on sending an icy chill run down my spine in fear. I'll never forget the feeling; the excruciating burn of my skin ripping open, the hot sensation of all the nerves breaking above the surface. The first grim sight of dark crimson liquid spluttering out everywhere and painting my face in a dark shade of red. 

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